WATCH: Rick Santorum Launches New Coalition To Belittle Muscle-Bound Gay Slut

By: Christopher Donaldson
3.1.2012

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. According to satirical news source The Onion, Rick Santorum launched a new coalition today called “Americans Protecting Marriage from Homosexual Jerks like Nicholas Wiseman.” And the whole fictitious thing reeks of a craven man with secret gay urges, very much like what was reported in a real 1996 landmark study published in the Journal Of Abnormal Psychology, in which researchers at the University of Georgia linked homophobia to homosexual arousal.

“Gay men like Nick Wiseman are endangering the institution of marriage in this country by breaking the hearts of men who have done nothing but love them with their entire souls just so they can run off with some stupid muscle-bound slut,” said Mr. Santorum, as reported by satirical news source The Onion.

In the farsical video below, The Onion also reports that Santorum launched a series of fake tweets only a scorned lover could hope to grasp: “Gay marriage isn’t natural and you know what else isn’t natural? Getting engaged to someone just because he has nice pecs.”

But who is Nick Wiseman exactly? Well, aside from being a fictional character created by staff writers at The Onion News Network, Nick is a personal trainer from Philadelphia who recently became engaged after a 3-week romance to back-up dancer Mario Fuentes.

And apparently, Santorum was so worked-up over the impending marriage that he jumped off some unnamed cliff on the coast of Lake Erie, where he was rescued by several fishermen who say they heard him scream, “Nick Wiseman, you’ll be sorry you ruined something so beautiful.”

That fabricated information, undoubtedly, might make you jump to your own conclusions.

Video below (via Towleroad).

 

 

Tags: POLITICS, VIDEO
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