Hell Is the Hottest of Gay Hot Spots!

By: Brandon Voss

A new Onion article is giving us life — and afterlife. The fake news site reports that, since all homos go to hell, the underworld now has a fab gay scene.

“The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great cafés, restaurants, bakeries, independent bookstores, and of course plenty of gay bars and clubs," says one new resident. "There’s just so much to do.”

Says another, “I’d say this is easily the most LGBT-friendly place I’ve ever lived.”

Who wouldn't want to check out the drag shows and six-headed go-go dancers at the 666 nightclub?

Go here to die laughing at the full article, which also confirms that Heaven "remains the most bigoted and intolerant place in the universe."