10 Ways to Get an Adonis If You're Just Average
New York party promoter and event producer Daniel Nardicio thinks that you can hook up with a hottie no matter what you look like. In fact, the former Playgirl marketing veep claims to have “mastered the art of bagging hot guys” — and if you’ve seen his much younger boyfriend, boylesque dancer Go-Go Harder, you might be inclined to believe the boast. So Nardicio, who’s clearly in a Fire Island state of mind, has taken to his online newsletter to share 10 tongue-in-cheek tips — abridged and edited here — on how an average Joe can lure a major stud into the sack:
1. Never tell them how good-looking they are. It's boring, they probably already know, and you'd never go up to a rich person and say, "You have so much money!" Instead be charming, funny, and approach them as if you are on their level.
2. If they used to be fat, glance occasionally at their mid section disapprovingly but never say anything. This is just a move to make if they are starting to give attitude. And these are virtual gold mines — I firmly believe if you can bag an ex-fat guy it's the holy grail because they are so appreciative in bed!
3. Keep all your fair weather friends away from them. This is especially true on Fire Island — a girlfriend is a girlfriend, but put some drinks in them and they'll throw you overboard faster than you can say "Angelina Jolie!"
4. Pretend he's smart. Even if he's not, just pretend he is — it's easier. Plus, I've learned throughout the years: Smart guys think they're dumb often, and sadly, dumb guys think they are smart.
5. Treat him like a prince in bed. ’Nuff said.
6. Listen — this is a general rule all around.
7. Act interested in anything he finds interesting.
8. Don't pay for anything. If you want a hooker, go to Rentboy.com. If you start by buying drinks and paying for things, you will quickly become "that guy" — the cash cow.
9. Repeat after me: "Hot guys are like buses — wait five minutes and another one will come." Don't be desperate. If a guy gives you the brush-off, move on. If he's rude (which happens in the Pines) try this line: "Why not lower your standards? I did!"
10. If I'm heading into a shark tank (a room full of hot guys), I decide to, erm, take matters into my own hands before I go. In other words, don't go there horny. We've all made stupid decisions when revved up, and the best advice I can give you is if you go into the shark tank with no agenda, you can work the room like the calm, sexy, self-assured guy you are.