POLL: Do You Have Dating Deal Breakers?
We met in the smokers lounge at a party in NYC, which is ironic since I don’t smoke. He was shorter than I am normally attracted to, with a thinner frame than I am normally attracted to, and he was smoking which I am normally NOT attracted to.
However he was smart, and funny, of indeterminate late 20’s, early 30’s age, with short brown hair in a boyish cut that reminded me of Wally Cleaver. He had a cute face, and a well-defined chest with just the right amount of hair on it. There was something devilish in his eyes, like you get with a conservative looking guy who’s really a bad boy in disguise. He was captivating.
We found ourselves making out there in the ventilated room with ten to fifteen other smokers seated around watching us, dragging on their cigarettes, re-crossing their legs, and exhaling in their own carcinogenic ballet.
Eventually we made it out of what to me seemed like a burning building, and were glued to each other for the rest of the night. During our party spinning we would pause in the smokers lounge for his nicotine fix before continuing our lust fete in the various nooks and crannies that we found secreted away in the old Russian bathhouse near Wall Street where this monthly soiree is hosted.
I kept thinking that I would be more affected by the taste of cigarettes in his mouth when we kissed, but oddly this time it wasn’t grossing me out. Perhaps it was because we always had complementary cocktails on hand, or perhaps it was that we were horny and easy. Who can say why people are drawn together by firing pheromones, but it was intoxicating and we were going for it.
At the end of the night - or rather at 5 a.m. when they turned on the lights and kicked everyone out - we exchanged phone numbers outside on the curb before grabbing our separate cabs. I asked him to come home with me but evidently he had “things to do” early that day. “However,” he said “I really would like to see you again, like on a date maybe?” Then he exhaled forcefully and jammed his tongue in my mouth for one last taste of goodnight ashtray.
“Yes a date” I said, and thought “maybe.”
I wondered if I could date a smoker seeing as how it’s one of my “deal breakers.” Those pre-determined rules we make for ourselves – usually based on bad experiences – that define our bottom lines.
Hooking up with a smoker at a party is one thing, a lot can be overlooked when you just need to get laid, but in real life I’m wondering how flexible I can be. Being an ex-smoker myself I already know why I don’t want cigarettes in my life.
Thinking about all the allowances I’ve made dating guys who I knew were wrong for me simply because I was lonely, or horny got me thinking; Should deal breakers be malleable and subject to our misguided sex drives?
It got me wondering, how strict should we be when it comes to our deal breakers? And which ones are reasonable enough to include in our personal constitutions?
What are YOUR deal breakers and which ones do you forgive?
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Photo of Bradford Noble by Kristy Leibowitz
Bradford Noble is a young minded photographer of fourteen years and bases himself in New York City, where he owns an apartment on the Hudson River that he shares with his mini-pincher, "Dexter the Wonderdog." His work has been seen in numerous advertising campaigns, and magazines fashion stories, as well as on musicians' cd covers, music videos, and in television commercials. He is represented both in the United States and in Europe. Always busy, he finds himself jet setting from coast to coast, and continent to continent on a non-stop flurry of glamour and excitement. Still curious? Dive into his world!