Dating 101

Dating Wisdom: Coworker Connection, Jealous Straight Guy, and Avid Adult Film Watcher

By: Justin Hernandez



  • There’s a new employee who works with me in the same division but different department and floor. I believe there is a connection between us. Do you think it would be a good idea to start a relationship? I’m hesitant because it is at work.

- I Wanna Keep My Job

There’s always a certain amount of excitement that goes along with the prospect of an office fling, but try to differentiate whether the feelings are legit or if your hormones are kicking into overdrive simply because screwing around with a co-worker is frowned upon by HR in these politically correct times. More often than not, it’s usually the thought of something being deemed forbidden that fuels our motivation. Also keep in mind that your work environment could become awkward should the relationship fizzle. If sour feelings cause tensions to escalate and become noticeable to others, guess what? It’s only a matter of time before your politically correct HR representative swings into action.

At the risk of being a tad crude, remember the old saying “you should never shit where you eat.” Something tells me you already know this based on the way you signed off on your question. However, if you really think your co-worker is worth pursuing, you should probably look into transferring to another division.

  • Hi there! My problem is my friends’ boyfriends don’t seem to like or trust me. My best female friend, who I will call JC, has a boyfriend who thinks I am faking being gay and will take JC away from him. My gay friend, who I will call JS, got into a fight with his boyfriend after I called JS “sweetheart” on Facebook. (I call everyone sweetheart.) Now JS hardly talks to me. What can I do to convince my friends’ boyfriends that I am not a threat to them?

- Just a Friend

Occasionally, I have a tendency to call people “honey.” Sometimes, I call them “hunty.” Either way, it doesn’t mean I want to fuck them. JS’s boyfriend needs to figure out that your usage of “sweetheart” is just a harmless term of endearment that you use and doesn’t have a sexual connotation to it. As for JC, straight men have a tendency to be bothered by their girlfriends maintaining friendships with other guys. There’s something about another man — regardless of his sexual orientation — having a bond with their female partner that bothers them. I think once he gets used to you and understands that you are on team strictly dickly, things should smooth over.

The problem with trying to convince others what you’re all about is that it can come off as needy. You’ll wind up looking more like someone who is seeking approval. The best way for people to get comfortable with one another is just by getting to know each other over time, but it should happen organically. When you try to force yourself on others, it doesn’t resonate as a sincere gesture. Your friends can help the situation by letting their boyfriends know how important your friendship is to them. If they stay silent and don’t speak on your behalf while their partners express distaste for you, it will make matters a lot more difficult.

  • Can someone who watches porn regularly stray when they are in a relationship?

- Worried

There are more telling signs of infidelity, but this is not one of them. Watching porn is more of a voyeuristic hobby. The days of having to walk into a dark rundown theater for some adult entertainment are long gone, and that also brought about the removal of the stigma that was once associated with porn. Watching it can be quite healthy since it might inspire some sexual creativity. Catch my drift?

Now if your partner has his eyes glued to pornographic content 24/7 that might be more indicative of an addiction. I’m just speculating about this since I don’t know what your definition of watching porn regularly actually means. I would say so long as his pornographic viewing habits are not interfering with day-to-day activities (e.g., he’s not whipping his iPhone out during dinner to catch up on XXX entertainment), I don’t think there’s much to worry about.


If you have a question, send it to [email protected].

JUSTIN HERNANDEZ writes about sex, dating, and relationships for The Advocate and Follow him on Twitter @HernandezJustin.