Dating 101

5 Tips On Dating Bi Guys

By: Eliel Cruz

Dating in the gay world is tough. Dating in the gay world while bisexual proves to be extra tricky. For a variety of reasons, many gay men won’t date bi guys. But, those reasons tend to stem from their own insecurities or misunderstandings of what it means to be bisexual.
Being bisexual means that we’re able to be sexually and/or romantically attracted to more than one gender. However, being bisexual doesn’t mean that we’re greedy, cheaters, or that we’re attracted to anything that moves — I mean, c’mon. I have standards. Those are common misconceptions about bisexual people but untrue of the community as a whole.
I’ve run into some difficulties dating gay guys due to their ideas on bisexuality. One guy told said I had “vagina cooties”, seriously (I obviously didn’t call him again). Bi and gay guys should be able to date with no added bumps in the way. But, there’s something’s gay guys need to work out first:

Get your shit together

This really goes for anyone gay, straight or bi who is entering in a relationship: get your shit together. For any relationship, you need a solid foundation, which requires that you and your partner are ready to be in relationship. If you’re not confident in being single and secure with yourself, adding someone to your life isn’t going to fix it. It’ll only make you dependent on that person and cause problems in your relationship. So, for everyone’s benefit — get it together.

Green is not your color

Jealously is not attractive. In my experience, gay men are often jealous of my attraction to women. They assume I’m a cheater, that I'll leave them for a woman or need both women and men to satisfy me romantically. All of those assumptions are false.
A cheater is a cheater. If I love you, I won’t leave you for another man or a woman. And, for bi monogamous folks — we don’t need both sexes to be satisfied. Sure, some bi-poly individuals are in relationships with men and women. Some gay men are in throuples — what’s the difference? You and your partner(s) should set the boundaries for your relationships. But, for this bi monogamous guy — if I want you, it’s only you.

My identity is important

When I’m dating someone, I’m still bisexual. I don’t become gay when dating a guy or straight when dating a girl. Yes, even if I fall in love and marry a guy and we are happily monogamous for the rest of our lives — I’m still bisexual. Respect my identity and don’t hide it around our other gay or straight friends. If someone accidentally calls me gay, it’s a huge turn on if my boyfriend jumps in to politely correct them. It shows you’re on my team and are willing to be there for me. You get all the brownie points for that one.

Don’t ask me which is better

You really can’t compare relationships, or sex, between different genders. Especially for bisexuals; gender isn’t really a deciding factor. If you ask whether sexual intimacy is better between girls or guys, you’ll get a confused reaction. It’s not something most bisexuals can answer in general terms. Sure, you can ask if my ex-girlfriend is better sexually than you are, but that’s awkward. What if they were better than you? Just, don't ask. 

Let’s work on us

I choose you. You’re the one I want to be with, so let’s work on us. My sexuality is interesting and all, but I’m sure I find you more interesting. Let’s be honest and open about our wants and needs. Let’s be romantic during and much long after courting. Our relationship shouldn’t be defined by my sexuality, but by our feelings for each other.