The Incredible, Undateable Gay: On 10 Things Single Gays Needs
Ah, dating. It’s a jungle out there, full of all types of unseemly wild animals: bears and cubs and wolves ready to snatch you up on the way to Grandma’s Haus. In order for a gay to keep his head above water and his knees plastered to the floor, he’s going to need a few essentials. May I present to you the Single Gay’s Survival Kit.* Here are 10 things every single gay man needs to get through the living hell of dating before finding the sweet, sweet release of heaven — i.e. being rich enough to have rent boys on retainer.
*Patent not pending
1. A Sense of Humor
The single gay is bound to run into his fair share of weirdos, whackos, crazies and Log Cabin Republicans, but you should always keep your tongue firmly in cheek — even if nothing else is going to be firm or tongued that night.
2. Condoms, Rose! Condoms, Condoms, Condoms!
Though not every date will end with you struggling to find your underwear and what remains of your dignity on the floor of a seedy hotel room, it’s always nice to be prepared. And also PrEPared. While a controversial treatment, every sexually active, HIV-negative gay should at least look into pre-exposure prophylaxis:
3. Single Friends
Being single is a lot easier when you’ve got a few fellow troops in the trenches with whom to share war stories and battle scars. To paraphrase noted heterosexual (?) Queen Latifah: in this ‘90s kinda world, you’ll be glad you’ve got your gurls. That is until they all find boyfriends and immediately stop taking your calls.