Why Do Gay Men Cheat?
Here are some basic things to understand about cheating and monogamy:
•What is considered "cheating" depends on the rules of the relationship
•Monogamy is something people usually say they want, but different people define it in different ways
•Cheating is not limited to gay men
So why do people cheat? You sometimes hear men use the excuse that they were drunk and not thinking straight, but that's just an excuse. According to psychologist Dr. Weston Edwards there are reasons behind the behavior, and a recent journal article identified four groups of reasons of why people have sex. Here's how he breaks it down:
The guy is looking for some type of physical payoff that he is not finding in his current relationship. This can include simply getting off, but it can also be about seeking different experiences. Another theme is that new person is physically desirable. Finally, there are physical payoffs such as stress reduction or boredom.
In some cases, people have sex to obtain a goal. Sexual behavior is a means to an end. This might be around survival sex; "I need a place to live," for example. It can include the "badge of honor" when a person can brag, "I had sex with that hot guy." In some cases, it is about getting revenge. Finally, it can be about getting resources such as money or drugs.
For many people, sexual behavior is about love and commitment. It is the expression of intimacy shared between two individuals. In our society, monogamy emphasizes this reason for having sex. So then, the lack of a satisfying emotional relationship may lead to sexual contact outside the primary relationship. To be fair, in some cases, having an emotional connection isn't limited to monogamous sexual relationships, and you will find plenty of men in so-called open relationships who do have emotional connection and satisfaction.
The final cluster of reasons people have sex is around insecurity/self-esteem.
"I feel so insecure, I will have sex with anyone."
"This hot guy wants me."
"I couldn't say no."
Those are the motivations, and when the right trigger presents itself (being drunk, feeling neglected, or being angry with your spouse) we act on it. Indeed, chances are good that you have been the cheater as well. It may or may not have been while you were in a serious relationship, but it could have been with a new guy who was aiming toward a more serious relationship when you dabbled on the side. Maybe you've been the man who was fine hooking up with someone in a realtionship, ignoring that your actions were in some way impacting the unseen partner in your affair.
So rather than asking why gay men cheat, the real question is this: Why do you cheat?