17 Pieces of Dating Advice for Those Who've Tried Almost Everything
Recently, I’ve seen a lot of tips on gay dating, and why so many people believe it doesn’t work. Pieces of advice range from “turn off your Grindr before the date,” to becoming comfortable being called “Daddy.” “Don’t chase someone, wait x amount of time to text back, do not be too available.”
In my opinion all this seems ridiculous. I am, by no means, an expert on dating. I have however been on many dates, fallen in love and had my heart broken. I’ve been a conquest, used and made to feel crazy.
I wish I could say I fell into a pattern, but the truth is I didn’t. There is no pattern. There is no way to know who someone is from pictures they post, the job they have, or the status updates they write. The only way to find out who someone truly is is to go on a date with them. To interact with them and find out for yourself, firsthand, exactly who they are.
With that said I can tell you what I have learned from my own personal experiences.
1. Get rid of any hook up apps, delete them.
Sure, you may be on there looking for a real connection, but after looking for the hottest guy for the past five hours and having nothing to show, lets be serious why you are on there. There is something beyond impersonal about these apps, and you aren’t going to give that guy, who just isn’t that cute in his picture, a chance. The sad thing is, he could’ve been a babe in person, and you just couldn’t tell by his 2d image. In real life he could’ve given you a look that made your heartbeat a little faster, and created a sense of curiosity that brings you in. All those tiny pictures are lazy dudes, who in the end may be looking for a date, but “could be down for some fun.”
2. Going one step further, do not use any of your social media as dating tools.
I was super guilty of this. I literally met my ex-boyfriend of two and half years because he poked me on Facebook. I dated someone who lived in Australia through Instagram. I have been on more than I would care to share Tinder dates. All these things that are supposed to make dating easier, actually make dating harder.
These devices are the easy way out. These applications allow for guys from all over to skim through the gay Rolodex of the world. There is no confidence involved, just a simple click of a few buttons and done. A real guy would come up to you and say, “hello,” not that he just saw you in the park and thought you looked cute through a Facebook message. I get the appeal, but trust me, everyone I have ever dated for an extended period of time, except my Facebook poking exboyfriend, has been someone I’ve gone up to in real life, introduced myself to and chatted up. This brings me to my next “suggestion.”
3. Go up to that guy who is cute, and say “hi.”
You have nothing to loose. Best-case scenario, he is really nice, you end of chatting for hours and you exchange numbers. Worse case scenario, he is a dick and brushes you off, which saves you the trouble of wondering what could have been if you had said hi. You get almost get a sense of relief knowing that he isn’t even an option, and you can check him off your imaginary list. Furthermore, the more you go up to people, the more comfortable this becomes, and you find yourself not over-thinking things so much.
4. Stop going for the “Hot Guy.”
He didn’t chase after you, and he is used to getting what he wants, which if you allow him, will be you. He is not just the “Hot Guy” to you, he is that person to a lot of people, and he probably knows it. Unless he has had his heartbroken, and made real changes after, he doesn’t know what it feels like to be on the rejection side. Rejection is humbling, and everyone at some point will feel it.
You will make up excuses for him, but deep down you know he isn’t right for you. You may say you just want to hook up with him, but you won’t be able to tear yourself away, then he’ll simply disappear and you will be left feeling crazy. Save yourself the insanity, and if you do end up with said “Hot Guy,” do not under any circumstances get naked with him for at least a month because if he disappears, you won’t feel used and stupid.