Charmed Lives 2

(Female Trouble c/o VH1)

An American writer, who I'm sure no one's heard of in the last 75 years (so I won't name him) once wrote that “Charming people live up to the very edge of their charm, and behave as outrageously as the world lets them.” If that's true, then the women of "Rock of Love" are most charming.

lBut if that's, in fact, the case, then why have 14 of them been sentenced to "Charm School"? Hell, if I know.  I like them just the way they are... well, most of them.

Gay.com chatted with two "Rock of Love: Charm School with Sharon Osbourne" contestants -- Megan, the blond, Barbie-zon from "Rock of Love" season two, "I Love Money," and the winner of MTV's "Beauty and the Geek"; and Heather, the rocker chick from "Rock of Love" season one, "I Love Money" and "The Surreal Life."  These women couldn't be any more different, as the following interviews will attest.

In fact, their main commonality is a desire to be the most charming woman and, of course, the winner of 100 G's.  We hoped that they could school us about the show, their varying "experiences" with women, and why gays are a girl's best friend. School is now in session.

Princess Charming?

So Megan, I think that a lot of viewers were surprised when you got kicked off "Charm School" so early, considering your winning or almost winning track record on previous reality shows. 

I was surprised too. Well, you know, I didn't know about the note, so I was in shock that Sharon [Osbourne] even knew about it.  I definitely thought Brandi M. would be expelled because she pushed me first.

How did it feel when Sharon Osbourne told you off in the previous episode?

Well, I didn't like it at all. I've never been spoken to that way and not been able to speak back and respond.  It felt a little harsh and she obviously doesn't know me very well. It was inaccurate what she was saying.

One of the more poignant moments following your expulsion was your BFF Brandi C's breakdown.  Was it hard to leave her like that?

It wasn't hard, because I hated it there. It was the most unfun place I'd ever been to.

Did you at least keep in touch with her while she was still in the house?

Oh yeah, I still called her.  We talked on the phone, and I tried to give her moral support and pep talks, and left her voicemails reminding her to shower.

Come again.

She doesn't shower very often. She needs a push to get her in there. I'm not sure why, but I know that it was almost a week before she showered at Charm School. That's inside info.

How did the two of you become friends?

We became friends in Mexico over a bottle of vodka.

Aside from alcohol, what drew you two together?

Well, she umm was blond and cute and not jealous of me... so we got along well.  Also, we're both from Florida and both have black and white dogs with similar names.

How would you describe the dynamics of your relationship with her?

Well, we're like a little heart puzzle, and I'm the left half and she's the right half. We became very close. I took care of her when she was sick in Mexico. I'm the nurse and she's the patient.  We were also living together for a while. She let me live in bed together with her for months.

Are you more one of the guys or one of the girls?

All my friends are women, and they're all blond. I'm only friends with long-haired, blond girls.

What do you all do together?

We tan and drink cocktails. I live in Boca Raton, but it's my birthday week, and all my friends are coming down to Miami.  We are all going to lay on the beach and eat and drink cocktails, and then eat dinner and go to a club and drink some more.

You are so thin, and I know that on "Charm School" Sharon asked you if you eat.

I don't have an eating disorder.  I eat carbs in the morning. But I'm on a strict nutritional menu. I don't eat sugar or white foods and I only drink water and alcohol.  I drink vodka sodas with lemon or champagne.

Are you as manipulative in reality as you are on the VH1 shows?

On the shows I'm surrounded by people that I don't like, so of course I'm fighting with them.  But in real life I'm surrounded by people who I do like, and I'm nice to them. You manipulate people you don't like for the benefit of people you do like.  Me, Lacey and Brandi C. are not evil to each other.

Do you and Brandi C. ever make out?

No.

What kinds of guys are you into?

Umm, guys who are taller and bigger than me, so I feel little, and guys who are mature -- mature, wealthy and generous.

You said on "Charm School" that you aspire to be a trophy wife.  Is that true?

I do. I want to have a double life. I want to keep my relationship and work separate. I want to be a trophy wife by day, and then have a celebrity career at night. Right now I'm just vacationing, but I generally host club events and do modeling.

Do you have gay friends?

Umm, I have lesbian friends.

How about gay male friends?

No, I don't know any gay people.

Why's that?  Aren't there any gays in South Florida?

No, I don't know. There's a gay area for sure. But when I go out, it's just to hang out with my friends. I don't go out to meet new people and don't notice anything else that's going on.

Are there any gay celebrities or TV shows that you're a fan of?

Well, on 'Sex and the City' they did some lesbian episodes and I liked to watch that.  I  also like to watch lesbian porn. I'm more into girl gay sex stuff.

Not gay male porn?

Umm... gay male porn... no.

Laughing in background.

Who's that, and what's so funny about gay porn?

That's my friend Cecille, and she also doesn't enjoy gay porn. She enjoys the lesbian stuff as well.

Are y'all grossed out by gay sex or something?

I don't find men naked attractive at all, no matter how hot they are.  Girls are sexier and look better with their clothes off.  I don't think male parts are attractive.

(Megan (right) preferring female company opp. Brandi C. (left) c/o VH1)

So then how do you have sex with men?

They do all the work. I don't look down there. All my friends agree.   

Which male celebrities do you find attractive (with their clothes on)?

David Beckham is very sexy or Bruce Willis. I like guys with shaved heads.  They should be older than me, too.

Do you have crushes on any women celebrities?

I think Portia de Rossi is hot, and she's a lesbian.

I'm surprised that you're into older, considering that you're always putting women on "Charm School" like Heather down for being older than you.

It's not that they are old, it's that they look really old. 

OK, what's your beef with Heather anyway?

Umm... that she is crazy and fake and jealous of me, which I don't blame her for, and she actually secretly wants to be friends, and hates that I won't. She wants to be me.  I've hosted parties with her. When we're alone she loves me and wants to be friends.

Heather definitely seemed like she wanted more than a friendship with Bret Michaels on "Rock of Love."  Were you ever into him?

Uh yes... she's a groupie for sure. But no, not me, not at all... never.  I was there for the experience.  I thought it would be fun and would lead to other things... and it did.

Did you do any reality TV before "Rock of Love"?

I was on 'Beauty and the Geek' and I won.  As a matter of fact, me and another girl made out and got into trouble for that, and were restricted from alcohol.

Why do so many hetero women make out with each other?

I think they're into attention, and so they make out so people look at them.  They're just desperate for attention, and I don't think they'd go further.

Have you ever gone further with a woman?

Yes, several times. I define myself as experimental. 

Would you sleep with a woman again?

Probably not. I feel like I'm past that phase. 

Your beauty seems to get you whatever or whomever you want.

Umm, I feel like I've gotten everything because of it, in part... I think it's definitely the first step in everything. Maybe it's not the closing of the deal, but it's definitely the opening.

Did you ever want to get somewhere using your brains?

Actually, I always wanted to be an accountant and got an accounting degree at the Univ. of Illinois.  I was even in the accounting club. I wanted to walk down the street with my hair in a bun and do accounting. But I did 'Playboy' and then never had to get a job.

Year? Month?

2006. I was a cyber girl online. It was something I always wanted to do since I was 10 years old, and then I was at a restaurant and a VP walked up to my table and gave me his card. The next day I flew out to L.A. and spent a few days at the Playboy mansion. I thought it was crazy that it came out of nowhere... and that's where it all began.

What do you do when you're not taking your clothes off?

I like to read a lot of books about, you know, spirituality, and I find that mentally stimulating. Just spiritual development and enlightenment. I try to read all of them. I want to learn, and want to learn as much as I can about everything.

What would surprise "Charm School" viewers most about you?

I don't know. Let me ask my friend. Actually, let me put her on.  It's Cecille Gahr from 'Beauty and the Geek.'

Hi Cecille, what would surprise "Charm School" viewers most about Megan?

That she's an avid reader. People wouldn't believe that. She's very caring. She cares for her little puppy, is a very good mother, and she's an excellent cook. She has a crock pot and she uses it. She set up her own DSL, and has a gun license, and has the right to kill. What you see is what you get. She wasn't a disgusting stripper.  She knows what she likes and sticks with it. She knows she likes bikinis and wears them.  And she's the most truthful on the show. She says things that other people are afraid to say.

If she's so awesome, then how come she doesn't have any gay friends?

Because it's just like black people here, there are not a lot of them. It's the truth. I live in L.A. and my neighborhood is gay, so there are a lot of them there. Her ex-roommate was a lesbian and she was great. She was a full-on lesbian. She would have girls over and I'd hear them going at it. Oh my god, if you're not used to it, it's a whole new thing. But it's nothing to be opposed to. Megan is very open in that department. I mean, it's 2008; if we can have a black guy running for president, then everybody likes gay people, unless you're an old white supremicist.

Thanks for the insight. Now, can you put Megan back on?

Yes, hello.

OK, let's move on.

Oh, I do know a gay person. The guy who writes the VH1 blog, Rich is gay, and he's nice and has a shaved head. Oh, and I had two boyfriends who turned gay. I was their girlfriend, and then they turned gay. My high school boyfriend, the minute we broke up, he turned out to be gay, which probably explains why we didn't have sex the second year we were together. Another boyfriend I had when I was 18, after we broke up, he turned out to be gay as well.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know, because they seemed straight when I met them. They never had signs... I don't know. Maybe there were signs and I just was unaware.

Did you have any gay friends back then?

No. I don't think I knew any growing up. I don't think it was as popular back then as it is today.

OK, back to "Charm School." Give me a one word description for each of your competitors.

Heather is delusional, and for Destiney, pregnant.  I think she is pregnant, because you don't just gain weight in your belly. Angelique is a transsexual.

What?

I've seen her naked and it's not natural. I'm being serious.  She was four inches from my friend, Cecille's face at a calendar photo shoot. Angelique wanted to do it naked, and she came up and talked to my friend, and it was right in front of her face and it's not natural. It was the strangest thing.

What was so strange about it?

It looks as if you're holding up your hand, putting down your thumb and pinky, pointing down your wrist, and making a c shape. Then put it down to your belly button, and imagine if it kept going for six inches. I thought she was just foreign, but she definitely used to be a man.  I think that's fine, but she should at least warn people, and not scare them or put it in people's faces. 

(Cream of the crop? c/o VH1)

OK, next.

For Brandi C., I'd say sweet. Brandi M. is trailer park, and she has a horsey voice, but I think it's from smoking crack, because she twitches a lot. It's the only thing that makes sense. Jessica is lost, Lacey is very smart, Dallas is sad, Raven is bitter, Courtney is immature, Rodeo is pathetic and beastly, Kristy Joe is motherly, and Inna -- she still is a man. She's an ogre like Shrek, like the foreign version of Shrek.

“Rock of Love Charm School with Sharon Osbourne” airs Sundays at 9PM ET/PT on VH1.