Skyrim's Gay Agenda: Teaches How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers

By: Brodie Scott
12.1.2011

Is your new favorite game trying to turn players gay?

ChristWire.org is seriously (actually, satirically) concerned about the messages the highly popular video game Skryim, the latest installment of an epic, magical Elder Scrolls quest series, is sending gamers.

The magic, dragons, elves, and particularly, some of the suggestive terms used in game play, have faux parents up in arms over the gay agenda, seeping through Playstations and PC's, damming the children.

It starts right off the bat. "Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal," according to the explosive article, "Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?"

And it only gets worse once they've created their own gender-bending wood elf warrior.

"The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan," the article warns, "and are far more dangerous than anything your child is watching on that Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch." 

Gayer than Sabrina's cat, Salem

Gayer than Sabrina's cat, Salem

Believe it or not, the game play is even subtly ingraining gay gestures and flamboyancy in players. "When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations."

Obviously, this flagrant imagery is inspiring a rash of players to question their sexuality.

But what ChristWire.org's gaming and parenting experts are most worried about are the lewd Skyrim terms used in game play, despite their dirty, gay innuendos.

For Example:

Skyrim Jobs – Skyrimming is a street term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down. See the gays have weird fetishes and are close to Satan. Satan speaks to them and tells them news ways on how to experience demonic orgasmic sin...

If you notice your son has become more light headed around the house, this is a definite warning that he has been Skyrim jobbing.

Dragon Fisting – Dragon fisting is a new way the gays enter each other’s mud goblets with both of their hands...

Icy Spear – The Icy Spear is the name of an actual weapon in the game of Skyrim, but on the gay streets, it is where a gay freezes their meat banana with ice cubes and than forcefully injects their partner’s demon tunnel with their icy flesh spear.

If you notice that you never have ice cubes in your freeze, be sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men in the neighborhood.

For more on the threat of Skyrim's gay agenda, check out the full article here.

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