Holigay Cocktail Recipes

By: Joe Thompson

Like all good homosexuals who haven’t yet entered rehab, we love the holidays and the cocktails that go along with them. While many a 'mo will stick with his vodka and cranberry this season, we wanted to mix things up with some drinks that will help make your yuletide gay and your festivities as cheery as possible.

We cover standard holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah as well as Kwanzaa, Yule, and whatever Jehovah's Witnesses celebrate at this time of year. Oh... that's right. J.W.'s don't celebrate holidays. Well, we have something for them anyway. It's the season of giving, after all.




The Holigay Helper
Splash of lemon juice
2 oz. orange juice
1 1/2 oz. peach schnapps
2 oz. pomegranate-flavored vodka

Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker, add crushed ice, and shake vigorously for 10 seconds. Strain into a rimmed martini glass.

Optional rim job: Mix equal parts ground cinnamon and granulated sugar on a plate. Rub an orange slice on the rim of the martini glass to get it good and wet, then dunk the rim in the cinnamon-sugar mixture. Garnish with a spiraled orange rind.






Santa’s Little Helper
1/2 oz. whiskey
1/2 oz. orange juice
1 tsp. grenadine
1 tbsp. lemon juice

Pour all ingredients into a tumbler filled with ice. Stir, and garnish with a half slice of orange.

Want it blended? Put everything in a blender and whir away.

Want it in a martini glass? Put it all into a shaker, shake for 30-seconds, then strain into a chilled glass.








No Guilt With Gelt
8 oz. hot chocolate
1 oz. peppermint schnapps
1 gelt

Oy! Gentiles! A gelt is a chocolate coin in a gold wrapper. Take one, break it into small pieces, and put them in a mug. Fill with hot chocolate and stir, melting the chocolate gelt. Mix in a shot of peppermint schnapps, and no one needs to know you’ve got a sweet treat on your hands.









Mazel Tov Cocktail
3/4 oz. blueberry-flavored vodka
1/4 oz. Blue Curacao
4 oz. chilled champagne
splash simple syrup

Pour vodka, Curacao, and simple syrup into a martini shaker full of ice. Shake up, then pour into a champagne flute. Add champagne on top so that each sip is a small, joyful explosion in your mouth. Garnish with a few blueberries.














Kwanzaa celebrates African heritage and culture, and the name is derived from a Swahili phrase meaning “first fruits.” Here are two non-traditional fruity beverages to help stir up your next Kwanzaa party.




Orange You Sad You Don’t Celebrate Kwanzaa?
1/4 cup orange-flavored liqueur
1/4 cup mandarin-flavored vodka
1/2 cup champagne
1 orange slice

Put the Cointreau and Absolute Mandarin in a frozen cocktail glass and mix. Pour the champagne on top and decorate with an orange slice.







“The Seven Principles” Pick-Me-Up
1/5 cup fresh-squeezed orange juice
1/5 cup lemon-lime soda
3/5 cup champagne
4 ice cubes
1 lemon slice

Pour orange juice and lemon-lime soda over ice and mix. Add champagne and gently mix with a straw so as to not destroy the delicate bubbles. Decorate with a slice of lemon, take a big sip, and ponder what “The Seven Principles” have to do with this drink.









Yule was the holiday people celebrated at this time of year before the Christians took over the world and assimilated everyone's holidays into their own. Pagan-type folks still celebrate Yule. (And by that we mean Wiccans or people who worship the goddess or who just don't buy into Christianity but still want to do something somewhat spiritual at this time of year. Or people who work at Renaissance Faires.)

Yule Grog
3/4 cup Hefeweizen
1/4 cup lemonade

Pour the Hefeweizen over a mug of ice, then pour in the lemonade and stir. Garnish with... hell, this is a beer drink. You don’t garnish beer drinks.














Like we said, these guys don't celebrate holidays, which must suck when everyone else is decking the halls. And we're not sure if there are any gay Jehovah's Witnesses frolicking about but we didn't want to exclude anyone in this comprehensive list. We do, however, know that Jehovah's Witnesses can drink in moderation, so we put something special together for them.



Jehovah’s Joyful Juice Drink
1 cocktail glass

Mix ingredient well. Enjoy.