WATCH: Armies of Asian Women, Robots Care About Your Penis

By: Daniel Villarreal

Every time you slip a condom over your pulsating man-hammer, you should remember to thank the hundreds of Asian women responsible for testing and manufacturing your condom.

Take Lifestyle brand, for instance. Their video below shows their army of lab-coat wearing lady scientists testing gazillions of condoms every day to make sure that their latex sheathes shed not even a single drop of man-essence.

Though the machines they use to test the condoms may make you feel a bit inadequate, especially when you realize that their condoms can withhold a dong up to 3 feet long and one foot wide — how's that for size?

They can also hold up to 300 milliliters of "liquid," whereas the average male only sploots out about a teaspoon or two of love honey at most.

In short, they're making average Joe condoms that even Paul Bunyan and Hagrid could wear. And each one is tested by robots and machines to withstand even the freaky-deakiest sex acts. You like doing the Reverse Bangladeshi Mailman? No problem.

So the next time you wrap up your beefsteak for some special delivery, be sure to thank the zillions of robots, Asian women and British narrators who made your condom possible. Just don't do it out loud, or your partner might wonder what the hell you're talking about and decide just to watch Comedy Central and eat Cheetos instead of making nook-nook with your schizophrenic ass.