Life and Letters After Death: James & Tyler Clementi
By: Christopher Donaldson
2.2.2012
Dear Tyler,
“I’ve heard the story so many times: how you did it, the night you jumped. The first time, and every time I’ve been told about it, read it in a paper, heard it on TV, or dreamt about it at night, it still confuses me. I know you and I know that is not who you are. And that is never how I will think of you, alone and cold and at the end.” – Letters to My Brother, by James Clementi, the openly gay older brother of Tyler Clementi (1992 – 2010).
His name is James Clementi. He grew up with his younger brother, Tyler, in Ridgewood, New Jersey, a charming and uncomplicated little town hidden among Sycamores and wild cherry trees twenty miles northwest of New York City.
But life often shifts dramatically, leaving nothing settled. In September of 2010, Tyler jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge soon after he discovered that his roommate at Rutgers University had secretly video streamed him and his male lover during a sexual encounter.
A year and a half later in a heartbreaking piece titled “Letters to My Brother,” published yesterday at Out.com, James copes with what was taken from him while making some seriously powerful and tender observations about his little brother. Here, he remembers Tyler, the accomplished violinist:
"It is so quiet now. You were really talented; it was a gift. I’m not sure I ever told you that... maybe you didn’t care. It’s not like you needed my validation; I know nothing about classical music and you knew you were the shit when it came to that damn violin. I just feel really bad for not telling you how awesome you are, how much I respect your skills and dedication. I regret not listening to every note with open ears, not going to more concerts. Fuck you for making me feel bad; it’s not fair that you did that to me. But I would tell you now if I could, I really miss the noise!
And even if Tyler is not with us now, his short life and his death—which inspired people everywhere into making It Gets Better videos—keeps bombarding us from all sides, which is to say that Tyler really can inhabit two worlds (the living and the dead) simultaneously. That, undoubtedly, like Family, deeply affects our insides in our own lifetimes with every breath, with every step, with every life laid out in words.
Out.com has the full article here in addition to family photos.
Comments
ohh great amazing . . .
i hope like that for me . . .for evrything
I remember the day I heard about this disgusting thing his room mate did to him. I'm so sorry he didn't reach out to his brother or anyone else. This was a daily occurrence for me from grades 7 throught 12 and even several of the teachers got in on the teasing and taunting. Gym class was the worst but when those two gym teachers joined in on poking fun and the name calling when I was in 11th grade, I finally had enough. I had to tell my Mother about the teasing, was forced to tell the principal what was being said, I was excused from gym for my senior year but nothing was done to those two teachers. Of course that was back in 1972 and there were no bullying laws back then but they should have been suspended if not fired. Teachers are supposed to be the higher standard not joining in with the juvenile behavior of my "classmates". Not everyone is a jock, not everyone is a brainiac but it leaves scars and wounds that aren't easily healed. I've never gone to any of my class reunions and don't care if I ever do. I can tell you for a fact, when you are in that darkest place, whether it's shame, depression, you have a sort of tunnel vision and nothing and no one else crosses your mind. You aren't thinking of who may be left behind, who may truly care about you, what you will do to their lives. You simply want to stop that pain, period. I am very grateful for a terrific psychiatrist for saving my life twice; but as someone who's been in that very dark place, you aren't thinking logically that's for sure. I wish he had spoken to someone, anyone. Does anyone know if his room mate was ever charged or convicted of anything?
You are right on! The shame and embarrassment of exposure by such a vicious and insidious exposure is not limited to closeted gays. In Massachusetts, not long ago, a young girl comitted suicide when she underwent bullying by classmates on the internet. In this case, she was being called a slut (falsely). Talking to someone is, of course, one of the defences, but only a beginning. He should have been evaluated and involuntarily committed to a locked mental health facility as an imminent danger to himself, as soon as the dastardly expose' occured, followed by intensive therapy.
Have a look at "The Story of a Suicide" by Ian Parker: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/02/06/120206fa_fact_parker?mbid=...
I remember that artical. It pissed me off reading how Tyler's roommate did that to him. I understand his reasons, but don't understand why he jumped off. It's sad that his roommate shamed him so much he felt there was no other way.
It's not even a practical joke, It's just plain mean.
But I bet he learned his lesson now... but yeah most people do when it's too late.
Such a shame, but many can take from this lesson and learn how far words and actions can push someone to do something like that.
My best friend jumped out of his life as well when his family couldnt cope with his sexual orientation, and forced him to break up with me.
I rather hear from someone a story like what he did as a rumor and then see him alright in the end, but then it hits you. Making you realise how real the story was, and making you sorry for not being able to prevent it. Such as talking to him, or just being there on that moment to stop him.
Life can suck sometimes, but its from those horrid long black shadows we learn.
To have a shadow you have to have light. So in each ending to a story or open ending, people should realise that even when things get tough, look around and see the light that makes your shadow emerge. There are people who care and love you, and are more than willing to be there for you.
Seeking help online, via telephone, via a family member, or best friend or friend or anyone can help.
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