Where To Find Erotic Gay Fiction About Paul Ryan

By: Daniel Villarreal

Seeing as everyone on the internet wanted a glimpse of Paul Ryan shirtless, it only makes sense they'd also want to read about him having gay sex with other famous political figures.

Well, while there are no stories (yet) of Ryan and Mitt Romney getting it on, here's the next best thing—Hail To The Slash, a site for same-sex presidential fan fiction.

The fledgling site has got scintillating erotic fiction with all sorts of unexpected historic pairings: Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan; Bill Clinton, Al Gore and the Dalai Lama; there's even one with Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Cheney's evil clone and Saudi crown prince Abdullah!

But we won't tease you any longer. Here's the buildup and sex scene between Ryan and famous political orator William Jennings Bryan, made possible by a time machine:

"A Darwinist, Bryan thought. He wants to make men into beasts, cast us into a monstrous competition in which only the fit survive. But he couldn’t help but notice how fit Mr. Paul’s body looked, beneath those oddly tailored clothes.

The two men kept talking — arguing, really, though there was no malice in it — as they made their way back toward Bryan’s hotel…

The two ended up sitting side by side on the bed in Bryan’s room, as it was rather spartan, with no other real furniture. They talked for hours, and while Bryan felt that he had answers for most of Mr. Paul’s points, the man’s strange charisma and intensity rubbed away at his self-assurance, and his wariness. Honestly, later he couldn’t even really remember everything they sad to one another. There was one moment that he never forgot, though: Mr. Paul mentioned something about the “Austrian School” and Bryan retorted, good naturedly, “Oh, are we taking lessons on economy from Hapsburg princes now?” Mr. Paul threw up his hands and laughed, a lovely, genuine laugh, and when he set his right hand down it was atop Bryan’s left…

No, the sin of Pride had never been Bryan’s worst transgression. Shortly thereafter came another moment he never forgot: Mr. Paul, fumbling with Bryan’s undergarments, said “I always forget how many clothes you wore back in these days.” So strange, as if Mr. Paul weren’t a native of “these days” himself, but just a visitor from somewhere else. But in the moment he didn’t dwell on it. There were other, better things on which to dwell: mouths, and hands, and skin covered with delightful hair.

Oooh! Undergarments! How titillating in a late 19th century sort of way!

Of course, if you prefer your erotic tales a bit shorter and more to the point, there's always the one of Winston Churchill going all blitzkrieg on the ass of Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Who said political history had to be boring?