The Top 5 Gayest Popes

By: Daniel Villarreal

You may have heard that Pappa Ratzi (that's Pope Benedict XVI, aka Joseph Ratzinger) just decided to resign, making him the first Pope to poop out of the holy office in the last seven centuries.

Pappa Ratzi was miserable when it came to gay issues (even going so far as to say that homosexuality destroys the essence of the human creature). So while we wait for a new Pope to be elected by Easter, we decided to recount the five gayest Popes that came before Benedict XVI.

Of course there have been gay Popes in the past! Excluding Sharon Needles, the Pope is the most fabulous man in drag ever.

That fabulous caped dress! Those adorable red shoes! And gurl, that crown! His garb is fish boots!

So it's no wonder that such a long line of abulously frocked men might include some gay men. In fact, The Bilerico Project previously posted a scandalicious list of past Holy Fathers suspected of loving forbidden fruit, including:

- Pope Julius III who allegedly appointed his 15-year-old boy-toy Innocenzo as his "chief diplomatic and political agent" and even shared a bed with him.

- John XII, rumored to have turned "the Vatican into a male brothel" by modeling himself "on the scandalous Roman emperor Heliogabalus."

- Benedict IX, also known as "the first pope known to be primarily homosexual."

- Paul II "was a collector of statuary, jewelry, and allegedly handsome youths. Given to the most sumptuous ecclesiastical drag, he was lampooned by his enemies as 'Our Lady of Pity.'"

- Paul VI who was said to have "a relationship with a young movie actor" and was a regular visitor of "'a discreet house' where he and other Milanese notables would 'meet boys.'"

Gorgeous churches, anti-gay politics. The Catholic church, ladies and gentlemen.

For the record, we don't care if the next Pope is gay, we just hope he stops treating them like demons.