Are Closeted Gays Kidding Themselves?

I have noticed a pattern among closeted gays and lesbians who post on the Hot Topic bulletin boards: So many of them angrily insist that they are in the closet because a) their personal life is no one's business, or b) they are so embarrassed by the gay community that they don't want to be associated with it.

I have to ask: Are these people for real? Or are these people making excuses?

Honestly, I think both of the aforementioned reasons for remaining in the closet are pretty lame. In this day and age, it seems ridiculous not to be out. Then again, I can at least understand the motivation of say a 16-year-old kid who doesn't want to come out while he is living at home for fear that his homophobic father is going to beat the crap out of him, or the 40-year-old single mother who knows she will be fired if anyone at work knows she is a lesbian.

But to say that you hide your sexual orientation because your personal life is no one's business, or you are embarrassed by the gay community? Give me a break!

Let's tackle these excuses one at a time.

a) Your personal life is no one's business: Hey, I agree that there are details of one's life that are no one's business. For example, no one needs a play-by-play of what you do in bed. "And then I stuck my…"

But are you really going to go work after taking a romantic vacation to Paris with your partner and tell your co-workers that you went to the city of lights alone?

b) You are embarrassed by the gay community: Look, I've gone to pride parades and taken a look at some of the lesbians marching down the avenue—I'm picturing some flabby topless girls right now—and thought, "Whoa girls. Put some clothes on!" But do they make me embarrassed to be gay? No.

Is my straight sister embarrassed every time a straight woman does something stupid like participate in a beauty pageant? No.

Closeted people who say their personal life is no one's business, or they're embarrassed by the gay community aren't facing up to their own issues, which include a big dose of shame.

And do these people really think they're fooling anyone anyway? When I came out, I discovered that everyone from my mother to my friends to my co-workers already figured it out. It's actually pretty easy to figure out when someone doesn't talk about his or her personal life.

So what do you think? Are the closeted gays I'm talking about kidding themselves? Or anyone else for that matter? And do you take offense when someone uses the excuse that they're embarrassed by the gay community like it's your fault that they're not out?

(Image courtesy of Getty)