Can Lesbians Have Casual Sex?


Sometimes I envy my gay male friends. If they're in the mood for sex, they go out to a bar, and they get it. Or they have sex with a friend—no strings attached. My friend Ben has a list of buddies that he can call whenever he wants to get it on. If he wants to get busy on a Saturday night, he gets busy.

It is different for lesbians. We don't have lists. But we do have a lot of strings attached.

Sure, if you are lucky, you might be able to pick up a woman at a bar after hours of seduction and take her home. But God forbid you run into her again.

"Why didn't you call? Don't you like me?"

The guilt trip begins.

And forget sleeping with a friend. Girls just can't do it. Well, they can, but drama ensues.

"Why didn't you call? Did you use me?"

I swear, you have to agree to co-habitation and a commitment ceremony (or marriage, depending on the state you live in), or you can forget about casual sex when you're a lesbian.

I'm not saying there aren't any lesbians who can't have casual sex without their emotions getting in the way. I know there are—I've read about them in those lesbian erotica anthologies, and I saw an attractive one named Shane on The L Word. But I have never met any of these lesbians in person, which is a shame because I know I'd like them very much.

Before I go any further in making myself sound like the oh-so-cool queen of casual sex, I should make an admission: I'm a hypocrite!

I have had flings and never thought of the girl again, but I have also had casual sex and found my emotions running wild.

Yes, I've been that girl who had a one-night stand and then whined, "Why didn't you call me? Did you just use me?"

Not every time. But I've done it once…or twice.

Why is it that lesbians can't have casual sex? Why do our emotions always get in the way?

By Erica Gold

(Image courtesy of Getty)

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