When Straights Talk Sex with Gay Women

By: Erica Gold
7.22.2009

Here's a question for all of you lesbians out there: Do you find that some straight people can't wait to talk to you about sex?

I'm not a prude, by the way. I do talk about sex with my close friends—gay, straight, boys, girls. But I would never bring up the subject upon first meeting someone. I just don't think it is polite. For whatever reason, though, some straight people assume it is perfectly acceptable to barge into no holds barred sex talk when they meet lesbians.

My friend Jill, who is a lesbian, was telling me how every time she visits the town she grew up in and meets up with her straight friends from high school and their husbands, she is the center of attention because all these men want to do is talk to her about sex. Mind you, the talk isn't isolated to questions about 'lesbian sex'—these guys feel like they can discuss their own sex lives with her. What's up with that?

Jill theorizes that her being a lesbian makes these men think it is okay for them to dive right in and talk about sex casually, which, in her mind, reinforces the notion that straight people simply equate homosexuality with sex.

Looking back at some of my own experiences, I think Jill is onto something.

I remember meeting my friend Karen's boyfriend for the first time, and all he could do was ask me questions about sex. Come on, is a dildo really a good substitute for a penis? Have you ever had sex with a guy? Got any sex tips for me? He never once asked me about my job, my friendship with Karen or any of my interests—this guy was focused on the topic of sex.

By the way, he was a cop, and I definitely felt like I was being interrogated.

Given that I never even talked about sex in detail with Karen, who was always shy about such matters, I didn't want to get into it with this guy, and I spent the entire lunch deflecting his questions. But he persisted.  It was just...awkward.

It isn't just straight guys who want to talk to lesbians about sex, though. I have had plenty of straight girls practically assault me with questions upon our first meeting, starting with the commonly asked, What is it like to have sex with another woman?

Even if I wanted to answer that question every time someone asked me, it isn't an easy question to answer— truly, I wouldn't even know where to begin!

What is behind this phenomenon, and how do you handle it when a straight person you barely know wants to talk about sex?  Please share your thoughts below -- I'd love to know if this is a common experience or if I'm the "lucky" one here...

Images courtesy Getty

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