MAAAAAAAAAA! (A Mother's Day Tribute)

Actor, writer, and good soul—David Moretti— heard we were doing some fun things for Mother's Day weekend and offered to give us a piece on his mom. What he delivered is funny, fabulous, and loaded with heart. Enjoy.

...Such an oft-used, thankless proclamation to our mothers in our younger years. I mean, who besides a mother responds to a nondescript, monosyllabic barking from their son, not knowing if such a bawl would be followed by something as trivial as a request for a few bucks or as critical as an, “I just broke my leg." Regardless, my mom always came to the rescue, with an unfaltering smile that would make even the Joker wonder how she pulls it off. She is the wonder that is my mother...

MAAAAAAAAA Babble babble
MAAAAAAAAA Maaaa!
MAAAAAAAAA Hungry! Fruit cocktail...
MAAAAAAAAA Lellow.
MAAAAAAAAA Read me Where The Sidewalk Ends.
MAAAAAAAAA Spin like Vanna White!
MAAAAAAAAA Scratch my back, pleeeeeeeeease.
MAAAAAAAAA Can I stay up to watch Facts of Life?
MAAAAAAAAA Zzzzzzzz
MAAAAAAAAA Why doesn’t the plumber have any plums?
MAAAAAAAAA Will I really turn into a Transformer if I wear these underwear like in the commercial?
MAAAAAAAAA That guy’s on your tail? I didn’t know you had a tail!
MAAAAAAAAA The Big Bad Wolf came to my dreams again!!!
MAAAAAAAAA I wanna play with the brick blocks under the fish tank!
MAAAAAAAAA Where’s my pet frog that lives in the fish tank above the brick blocks?
MAAAAAAAAA I wanna be a space cadet when I grow up!
MAAAAAAAAA Why should I say astronaut instead of space cadet?
MAAAAAAAAA What are these bumps on my face?
MAAAAAAAAA But I don’t wanna stay home from school!
MAAAAAAAAA Can we go to Galilee beach and stay at the Dutch Inn?!

MAAAAAAAAA Even though there is a bomb scare in the Hotel, please save my dinosaur bath sponges!
MAAAAAAAAA Why do we need so much milk, bread, and batteries for the hurricane?
MAAAAAAAAA Can we have the neighborhood kids over for arts and crafts?
MAAAAAAAAA I traded my train set for a pack of gum.
MAAAAAAAAA The kids are picking on me at recess! What do I do?!
MAAAAAAAAA I wanna stay home from school!
MAAAAAAAAA I neeeeeeeed Nintendo!
MAAAAAAAAA Buttttt butttttt ALLLLL the cool kids wear Reebok pumps!
MAAAAAAAAA So about this allowance...
MAAAAAAAAA Can we get a dog? I promise to take care of it.
MAAAAAAAAA Can you walk the dog tonight?
MAAAAAAAAA The Yankees are on!
MAAAAAAAAA I hit a home run!
MAAAAAAAAA I did not steal those baseball cards...
MAAAAAAAAA I’m not returning those baseball cards to the store!
MAAAAAAAAA I have no idea why the cops are at our door!
MAAAAAAAAA Ok fine I yelled something about bacon to the cops when I was riding my bike.
MAAAAAAAAA Can Chris, Brian, AJ, Ryan, and Justin sleep over tonight?
MAAAAAAAAA We’re just gonna go to the... movies...
MAAAAAAAAA I may or may not have something in the garage that the authorities are looking for...

MAAAAAAAAA I can explain!
MAAAAAAAAA I’m sorry I threw a pie at your boyfriend.
MAAAAAAAAA I’m also sorry I put an egg in his coffee.
MAAAAAAAAA Can I borrow the car?
MAAAAAAAAA I crashed your car at the Mall, but it wasn’t my fault. Yes, I’m ok...
MAAAAAAAAA Can I drive to Boston to check out colleges? No? OK, fine, Ill take the train.
MAAAAAAAAA My car was used in an armed robbery while I was in Boston taking the train!
MAAAAAAAAA It’s time to drive to orientation at Boston College. Yes, you can drive.
MAAAAAAAAA Remember those baseball cards I returned when you caught me? I kept the good ones.
MAAAAAAAAA I’m headed to LA for the summer to check out an internship with NBC.
MAAAAAAAAA I like California, am transferring to USC, and not coming home.
MAAAAAAAAA You’re really cool with that?
MAAAAAAAAA I think I want to pursue acting.
MAAAAAAAAA You’re really cool with that?
MAAAAAAAAA I think I’m gay.
MAAAAAAAAA You’re really cool with that?
MAAAAAAAAA Seriously?
MAAAAAAAAA Thanks for... everything.
MAAAAAAAAA It’s your turn to ask me for something...

(crickets)

MAAAAAAAAA I love you.

Happy Mother’s Day, MAAAAAAAAA.