Look at Me... I’m a Fashion Designer!
Words & photos by Bill Sacks
Not so long ago, I was a tweaker.
I spent four years of my life as a slave to that glass-like poison that kept me up for days on end. But well into my run, it became clear that getting high was like watching reruns on TV: always the same cast of characters and story lines that I came to know and hate love.
Don’t worry, this is not a story about the endless parties and sex until my privates were raw, and it’s not a cautionary tale about the dangers of drug abuse (although these are all worthwhile topics). This is a story about a big ol’ pervert who loves to restyle clothing into slutwear. I truly get off on it. And when I was high, my inhibitions disappeared and I became the hottest fashion designer who ever walked the earth.
At least in my head.
Don’t hate, just check out the many iZone Polaroid pictures I took as evidence and see for yourself.
The Nylon Jock Sock
This was a favorite for any time of day, but especially after the bars closed and before the after-hours bar closed. I’d pop into a 24-hour drugstore, buy a packet of panty hose, and eagerly head home. Once there, I’d cut the legs off the nylons precisely at the panty line. (This way I could wear the naughty, sheer panty that showed off every curve on another occasion.) Next, I’d use scissors to slit both sides of a panty hose leg down to an inch above the toe so that it resembled a really long slingshot. This nylon pouch cupped my junk, and the remaining nylon could be wrapped around my body to hold the garment in place. Ludicrous yet divine, and the support was heavenly: the way it cradled my business was pure magic.
The Crotchless Bike Shorts Singlet
Ingenuity at its best! I had an old pair of bike shorts with a crotch that was starting to rip. Rather than toss them into a landfill I went green and refashioned them into a new outfit. With my trusty scissors I made two cuts—one under each side of the elastic waistband until there was a two-inch band of fabric in the front and back that kept the elastic attached to the rest of the shorts. Then I cut out the crotch. Carefully slipping my legs into the appropriate holes, I adjusted my tools through the newly created crotch opening and pulled each side of the cut waistband up onto my shoulders. The resulting “singlet” was exotic and hot, lifting and separating so that my backside looked pumped full of helium. The Mexican wrestler’s mask I donned really completed the ensemble.
I did mention I was a tweaker mess, right?
The Surgical Gauze Fishnet Body Suit
See-through, sexy, and…sterile! One of the many finds on my drugstore excursions was a box of surgical gauze: 100 yards of perverse imagination just waiting for a grand unveiling. This stretchy, strong material had a shockingly low thread count, which meant it was like fishnet, and the roll dispenser meant I could wrap myself with ease. So that’s what I did.
Careful not to use more than one layer in my creation (for fear I’d obscure the body parts I was trying to expose), I started by individually wrapping
my legs up to my crotch. I then wrapped my torso, followed by my arms. The straps were secured with tied pipe cleaners, and the only hole in the garment offered easy access to my privates. Seeing myself as a hung hottie, I dripped with lusty excitement and desperately wanted to share my new look with others. So I headed up to my favorite exhibitionist spot—the roof of my apartment. Fortunately, it was in the gay part of town, so when my neighbors saw they gestured their approval of my designer duds. And I offered a show of thanks in their direction.
Bill Sacks lived to tell these stories and is currently clean. He suggests you be the same before submitting your dirty designs to next season’s Project Runway.