Writes of Passage: Walter G. Meyer

Dear 14-year-old self,

I know things seem pretty bad right now. I know you hate high school—well, not school so much as the people you are forced to see there every day. I know you are so afraid of getting beaten up or having your tray dumped on you that you stop eating lunch in the cafeteria and instead bring crackers from home and eat them in the bushes outside; that you are picked on so much you have to keep inventing new excuses to tell your parents as to why you have bruises; that the school administration chooses to see none of this.

But eventually you'll make a few friends, one in particular who will tell you that you can reinvent yourself when you go to college. You don't have to be picked on anymore. And it works. Life is different. You make friends and become a big man on campus, except for one thing: You have a dark secret you can never share with anyone.

Yes, that one, the one you don't even dare whisper to yourself — that you like guys. All through college, and for years after, you'll be afraid to tell anyone your secret.

But one day you will meet a boy, the first of several who will mean so much to you. The first one who will not only let you touch him in the ways you've always wanted to touch a man, but who wants you to touch him that way. You will kiss and finally understand why people talk about fireworks and violins. It will be awesome and it will be a kiss you'll remember the rest of your life.

Once you experience that joy, you won't waste any time sharing it with the world. You'll write about it in the Los Angeles Times—yes you, who were called a scared little pussy every day of high school, will someday be an out and proud gay activist, telling your coming out story in one of the biggest newspapers in the country, writing gay novels, and unafraid to take on the world.

You won’t lose many friends—not any who matter—you’ll just gain a new set of friends and a new level of happiness you can’t dream is possible right now.

You wouldn't recognize the you of the future, but somewhere inside there remains that 14-year-old you, and you'll never forget him. You'll wish you could go back and help him, but since you can't you'll do all that you do—the activism, the writing—so that maybe, just maybe, some other 14-year-old will have it easier.

So hang in there. Life will be worth waiting for. At times you’ll regret that you waited so long to be happy, but since you can’t go back, you’ll just try to go forward making every day count and trying to make up for lost time.

Walter G. Meyer,
...more than 30 years later

Walter G. Meyer, who was raised in the suburbs of Pittsburgh and currently resides in San Diego, is single at present; he has written on a wide range of topics for a host of magazines and newspapers and is the author of three books. The most recent, Rounding Third, is a gay love story set on a high school baseball team. You can learn more about Walt at waltergmeyer.com.

Read more letters in our National Coming Out Day section on Gay.com.