Monogamish: Same-Sex Marriage and Monogamy... Or Not

By: Gay.com
7.8.2011

In a new article, the Advocate explores the ways same-sex marriages will change the institution of marriage. For the better.

Ari Karpel writes, "We often protest when homophobes insist that same sex marriage will change marriage for straight people too. But in some ways, they’re right."

The piece goes on to explore the new ways couples are coming together and staying together, creating couplings that work for them. Even if the relationship's fidelity parameters are "non-traditional."

'Monogamish' also addresses a truth we all (need to) face: open or not, many people, both straight and gay, DO sleep with people other than their partners.

Advocate.com on 'Monogamish':

Anti-equality right-wingers have long insisted that allowing gays to marry will destroy the sanctity of “traditional marriage,” and, of course, the logical, liberal party-line response has long been “No, it won’t.” But what if—for once—the sanctimonious crazies are right? Could the gay male tradition of open relationships actually alter marriage as we know it? And would that be such a bad thing? With divorce rates at an all-time high and news reports full of famous marriages crumbling at the hand of flagrant infidelities (see: Schwarzenegger, Arnold), perhaps now is the perfect time for the gays to conduct a little marriage makeover.

Welcome to Queer (Roving) Eye for the Monogamous Straight Couple Lie, brought to you in part by writer Dan Savage, who coined the term monogamish to signify committed relationships in which the partners are, he explains, “mostly monogamous, but there’s a little allowance for the reality of desire for others and a variety of experiences and adventure and possibility.”

Monogamish relationships are not about wild promiscuity or even Swingtown-style polyamory, two things the term nonmonogamy connotes. “It suggests a degree of promiscuity that isn’t true for most nonmonogamous gay couples I’ve known,” says Savage, who wants to promote qualities that make for an enduring union. “People primarily want stable, long-lasting partner bonds. They want safety.”

Read more about the realities of real relationships in the full article on Advocate.com, then share your thoughts on the matter. Vote in the Advocate's Facebook poll where readers are sounding off on differing views of the bonds of marriage: POLL: Should "monogamish" couples become more widely accepted among straights? Vote on Facebook

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