Dating Bradford: Doubled Back
Am I a floozy? I'm surprised by how many guys are shy about
cruising, or even just making eye contact. I've gone home with at least
five guys from a double take on the spot, so I guess if most guys don't
do this, then my question is answered.
Last week I asked how you deal with a double take. Here's what you said, and my take on it:
I am lucky if a get a single take. Perhaps if I let money hang out of my pockets, or tie a pork chop around my neck.
up, farm boy -- there'll be an udder for you to milk sometime soon.
Your witty self-deprecation actually suggests self-confidence. I'll bet
you draw more looks than you realize. Remember though, it takes a
little seed sowing on your part to reap a decent harvest. Perhaps roll
that pickup of yours into town a little more often, wearing some new
duds, so that the sheep aren't the only ones catching your attention.
want to know WHAT HAPPENED with the guy in the hotel? How'd it go? Was
it romantic? Sexy? I feel cheated you didn't share a bit of that! Can't
you be more slutty in this column?
for wanting to know more are indicative of one living vicariously. Why
not draw your own flip-book, and let the pictures advance as they will?
I often leave the sordid details up to the imagination and intelligence of my readers. Some readers have these qualities. LOL.
I never get checked out by guys, and on the rare occasion that I do get
checked out, I'm completely oblivious and my friends have to point it
out to me. It doesn't help that most people think I'm straight ... to
convince people that I'm actually gay is at least a ten minute
argument. But I've definitely done the double take, if only to check
out the guy's ass as he walks away from me.
you just need to practice your flirty eyes. Guys will check you out
more if they know you are checking them out. Sometimes it's okay to be
obvious as long as you aren't threatening. I make eye contact with any
guy I think is cute. Then, after my gaydar kicks in, I raise an eyebrow
and smile, with my eyes at first. Then if they respond, my whole face
automatically brightens with excitement, and this is what usually
elicits a double take. A lot of communication happens through the eyes.
Confidence is very attractive. Haven't you ever gone home with someone
who was not your type just because he was aggressive in his approach to
you? Well, being assertive with your eye contact can have the same
are so many good looking men walking about the streets of downtown
Chicago during the week that I can't help checking them out, and in the
process, making eye contact. Most of the time when my eyes meet another
guy's eyes and I look back after we've crossed paths, the guy doesn't
turn around. My impression is then that the guy is straight. It can
really be hilarious sometimes to check out a straight guy and have him
look down at his shirt, tie or fly thinking that maybe something is
unbuttoned, open or stained because you looked in that area. I've also
experienced the "fuck you" look back from some straight guys who can
tell that I'm checking them out.
Now there's a
boy after my own hard ... uh, heart. I think this attitude is ballsy
and confident. He's unafraid to let people know he's checkin' out their
stuff. Straight guys make no bones about doing this to the ladies --
why can't we?
Just use your best judgment if the guy
you're checkin' is in a group of cute thugs with baseball bats and 40's
of Coors. You might get a little more than a "fuck you" look back.
does one do when he has been stuck in a weird "double take" LOOP for
three years with the same guy? It's a complicated situation to say the
least (fall in love with a guy who turns into your best friend and is
too afraid of his family to EVER come out, but deep down you just KNOW,
and partly because he told you but didn't know it was YOOOUU), but ...
I think I agree with the above comment ... life is just too short. I
What you're talking about isn't a double take, it's a re-run.
We've all been there, falling for that friend of ours, or the cute
straight guy at work, or someone else's boyfriend. Yours is hardly a
The unrequited love scene should be "Gone with
the Wind" and, like a fart, its reek will eventually dissipate.
Personally, I only fall for self-actualized homosexuals. Those who know
they are gay, and who thrive on it. I gave up on coaxing long ago.
However, there are a million fags with alternate success stories who will disagree, and email me about them, so to each his own.
I also agree that, "life is too short" for re-runs, especially when
it's a tear-jerker and far from "Married With Children," I'd say keep
him as your straight girlfriend, and get a boyfriend who is gay to kiss
and love in front of him. That way he will see you for the lovable
boyfriend you could be, and maybe he'll want one for himself. Maybe
he'll even want YOU!
remember when I was in the gay village in Toronto in 2005, I was
walking with a friend of mine who said "Damn, you just got cruised." I
said, "By who?" I turned to look, and the guy was gone. This happened
four times during our walk.
That happens to me
frequently, or so I'm told. Some of us have blinders on, to protect us
from possible judgmental stares, or simply because we are preoccupied
with our own thoughts. If it bugs you, practice making eye contact with
everyone you pass and see how different it will make you feel.
freak out. I'm used to guys coming on to me in bars and even online.
I'm too shy to really give a guy full eye contact, and when it does
happen I freak and do something else and make the guy think I'm not
into him. How fucked up is that???
It's not fucked up to
prefer to meet guys in a more controlled situation, if you have good
luck with that. There is a magic, however, with a spontaneous meeting
away from alcohol or the computer that your shyness is cheating you out
of. Just don't waste your whole life on last call trawls. They look
even worse in the morning.
on a double take shows an adventurous spirit. As with all social
engagements, it can go sour or sweet depending on a million factors.
There is never harm in taking a chance on a spur-of-the-moment meeting.
One minute in your day may leave you smiling for years to come.
In our next column we ask the question, "When dogged by a dog, why do we still feel the bite?"
(Photo: Bradford Noble)