How Bad Do You Want It - Part 2

By:
5.21.2009

When it comes to reaching goals, most people simply want it all right now.  I am certainly a fan of working smarter not harder to achieve the things in life you desire.  At the same time, we are a society of “bigger better deals” - bigger body, better house, better job or hotter boyfriend.  This, in turn, has taught many of us, consciously and unconsciously, to look for the quick fix.  Ironically, this often sabotages our efforts to actually reach our goals, since we get frustrated when things don’t happen as quickly as we want.

I’d like to challenge you to shift your perspective about how to build a more fulfilling life.  Consider that many of the things you think you want are often the things other people told you that you should or should not have. This includes parents, society, religion, the gay community, corporate marketing, and the media.  Now, however, it’s time to gradually shift the focus back to who you truly are, not what you think you should be.  Take a look inside and ask yourself what will actually make you happy.  You may find that the things you thought you wanted sometimes just bring you temporary happiness.   Therefore, the next steps in the goal setting process will be focused on getting to know the real you.

Step 1:  Take an honest look at every area of your life and assess your current situation. This should include:  relationships, finances,  career, health, spirituality and self confidence.  Make a list, on paper, of each area and then write down where you are with that part of your life.

Step 2:  After you make your list, sit and reflect on why you are where you are.  What brought you to this point?  Consider the actions you took, the thoughts/beliefs you had, the people you knew etc.  Everything that led you to the present moment was a combination of all of this.  So, for change to occur you’ll need to understand the fundamentals and eventually change the “formula”.

Step 3:  Once you’ve had time to assess the list in step 2, reflect on what’s been working and what’s not.  Write down your thoughts, make a list, brainstorm what you feel you need to do less of, and what you should start doing instead.  This could also include the friends you have, the way you speak about yourself and your life, and the way you talk with other people.

Step 4:  Upon completing step 3, sit quietly and just see what comes up.  This is a time to let your intuition provide you insights about what is truly going on for you, not just what your mind tells you or what your friends say.  Simply sit and reflect. You know more about you than anyone else, so it’s time to take back control of your life and trust in yourself and your ability to figure it all out.

(Photo: Getty Images)




RobertNotter Robert Notter is a board-certified health and lifestyle coach. Based in New York City, he works with gay men all over the world in person and by phone. His practice is focused on helping his clients reduce their stress, have more energy, create happier relationships, and feel better in their bodies.  He is also a faculty member at The Institute for Integrative Nutrition, where he completed his counseling training. You can visit his website to learn more about his work, and attend his upcoming free teleseminars on how to create a happier life. 

Tags: Lifestyle
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