The Finer Points Of Assisted Male Orgasm
The responsibility of your orgasm should never be completely dependent on, or might I say, completely in the hands of someone else. However, if you have the good fortune of someone present and willing to help out, all the better.
Oddly enough, we might know exactly how we like to "climb Mount Baldy," but try to coax out someone else's joy jelly and we might be all thumbs (which can work nicely if your partner wants a digit up the wazoo). I'm sure some people thoughtlessly assume, "What's the big deal? All ya gotta do is rub up and down. What guy wouldn't shoot his load?" Garsh! A person who approaches sex with that kind of sensitive creativity is a lover I want to have in my bed for the rest of my life -- not! Of course, there are those guys whose giggle stick can be flipped simply by looking at it. Most everyone else enjoys, if not relishes, a little more finessing. So here are some pointers to help you get your partner off and running.
The most important skill you can employ to pop your partner's rod is active observation, much like active listening, when you don't just listen with your ears, but your whole being is participating. You're going to be doing a whole variety of activities to get his hot dog a-bubblin' and when you do, you'll want to note the reaction, since some things will quickly deflate the balloon and others will have him squealing like a pig. Eventually, you'll have a tool belt full of items to build up your buddy's oil tower (if you're into that sort of construction-worker fantasy).
If he seems nervous or self-deprecating, try a well placed compliment, "Your flexed and sweaty muscles look so hot." Hearing that you're genuinely turned on by him is a green light for him to shift into high gear. If you notice him getting frustrated, then acknowledge the pleasure he's experiencing: "Yeah baby, all you have to do is enjoy how good your cock feels." The more a person can surrender to his experience (and be free to think a little less about it) the easier it is for the body to naturally function the way it was designed. Another tried-and-true method is varying the speed and pressure of your strokes. Doing the same thing over and over can actually numb out what you're rubbing. If your hand becomes tired in the process, don't just take a break and make him do it alone. Instead, with your sexiest whisper, ask him, "Show me how you do it." While you take a break, notice what he's doing, learn from it, and again compliment him on his technique: "Yeah, dude, polish that surfboard."
Never interrupt an orgasm. If your finger is hula-dancing up his anus as he starts to squirt, don't stop! It might be the very wiggle bringing on his orgasm. I had a partner who, at my moment of no return, tried to push my hand aside so he could get his mouth in position to suck my lollipop. Now it would have been one thing if this was our agreed plan of attack, but if I'm becoming one with the cosmos, don't get in the way of my euphoria for your own gain, bee-atch! Give me respect and honor in that heavenly moment and I'll do right by you, too.
Furthermore, when your hand gets his juice to jump and he hits his high note, (once again) watch very carefully for him to signal what to do next. Some guys want you to instantly stop while they free-fall into bliss. If he wants the longest orgasm he can muster, you'll want to keep your motion going. Let him ride it as long as possible. You'll know when to stop if you're watching. When that signal comes, don't immediately clean up. Wait for him to move out of the space. If your rod is up his arse, don't withdraw. Wait for him to dismount. It's an orgasm! Let him savor the moment and the afterglow.
Speaking of which, it is important to recognize the natural chemical downswing after an orgasm. During an aroused state, a lot of endorphins are burned up. As a result, when the body returns to its routine functions, we're left with a lower amount of our natural "happy drug." Depending on the metabolism, it can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours to restore this depletion. Could this be why some of us duck out the door or fall instantly asleep after cumming? I can't tell you how many times I've told this to guys and watched a sense of relief wash over their faces: "Oh! It's not about guilt or shame; it's chemical!"
Are you an ejacu-dictator who insists on an orgasm or "it just ain't sex?" Are you a tantra-ista jizm-hoarder who thinks life has been wasted if you ever spill a drop of semen? Both approaches miss the point. Sex is for your enjoyment (with or without another person). Quite frankly, everyone is sooner or later in a sexual situation when orgasm is more work than it's worth, and that's OK. Cumming -- or not cumming -- needs to be a win/win scenario, because the goal is always pleasure. So the next time you find yourself helping out, keep your antennae up (as well as the one between your legs), watch for the signals and enjoy the fireworks. Then say, "My turn!"
What special techniques do you employ to get that guy's goop glistening out in the open? Add your tips, pointers and thoughts in the comments section below or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
(Photo: Getty Images)
Dr. Jallen Rix holds a doctorate of education in sexology and specializes in maximizing sexual pleasure for singles and couples, "ex-gay" recovery, religious abuse and creative approaches to sex education. You can learn more about Dr. Rix at his website.