Dear Dick: Porn in the U.S.A.

By: Gay.com
6.15.2010


Dear Dick,

My boyfriend loves to have porn playing on the DVD player when we have sex. I think it’s distracting, and it drives me crazy when I see him watching the screen instead of paying attention to me. I don’t think he’s losing interest in me—I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me in the past so I know the signs when things are going bad. But I can’t figure out why he’s so into it.

How do I make him knock it off?

Look at Me, Please

Vance_turk_40

Dear Please,

Many couples use porn to spice up sexual relationships. It can teach you new tricks, set a mood, or just offer some added visual/audio stimulation. Since good sex really starts in your head, porn can also allow one to invent the fantasy of being in an open relationship or at a sex club without actually doing either of those things. So in those respects having an adult movie playing during sex can be a totally good thing.

So here’s my question for you: Have you asked your boyfriend why he’s into it?

Communication can usually help in any situation so find out what’s going on. Since you suspect the relationship itself is solid (and Dear Dick has no reason to think you’re mistaken), you do run the risk of hearing that he’s not as turned on by your looks as he used to be. Gay men can be annoying like that. But if you guys has an honest relationship then maybe there’s a way to work through that issue—either with counseling, hitting the gym together, or by making some other kind of life change.

If he’s grown bored with the sex, find out why. In many cases Dear Dick hears, it’s because couples get in the habit of doing the same thing every time they get naked: 5 minutes kissing and groping, 5 minutes oral, 5 minutes poke, then all done. That lack of spontaneity reduces the excitement, and that can be a killer. Try surprising him by hooking up somewhere other than the bedroom—like in the kitchen, the shower, or even in your car (as long as it’s not in too public a place that will be breaking a law).

You may also find out that he’s just into having porn playing and it’s not a necessity. If that’s the case, then make a deal with him. He can have the porn on every other time you do it. That seems fair. Obviously he enjoys it, so you really shouldn’t begrudge him that pleasure. But you should tell him that on your nights you get to have something done your way. For example, he has to service you until you’re satisfied, or when you come home from work he has to be naked in bed and waiting. Think about what special addition you’d like to experience. That way, you both get what you want, and your new night might spice things up in some new and unexpected ways.

Dick_ProfilePic He may have sexy pecs, but Dear Dick is neither a medical doctor nor a licensed psychiatrist. He is not a counselor, a reverend, or a rabbi. He has not been evaluated by the FDA, the CDC, or the BBC, and his words are not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. He has, however, been around the block more than a few times and is happy to answer your questions. Leave a comment or send him an e-mail.

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