Conner Habib: UNCUT - Part 1
Conner Habib isn’t your typical porn star—and trust us, we’ve worked with enough of them to know. In a new interview from QueerClick (which if you haven’t checked it out, is one of the most genius NSFW sites around), Habib shows that he’s not some ignorant, insatiable exhibitionist with a great body. He’s actually contemplated his work and his life, acknowledges why he enjoys working in the adult industry, and clearly understands the elements (both mental and physical) that make him successful. What’s more, he has the incredible ability to actually articulate those thoughts in a very considerate manner.
The original interview appears here, but QueerClick was kind enough to send Gay.com the extended interview for your reading pleasure. So sit back, grab on to something fun, and enjoy part 1, part 2, and part 3 of Habib's big, long, uncut conversation.
Conner Habib: Uncut - Part 1
Interview by QueerClick
QUEER CLICK: You don’t seem to stay too mysterious or create different personas between on and off camera.
CONNER HABIB: I try to be myself as much as possible, but no one can pull that off entirely. Sometimes we smile when we’re upset or have conversations when we’d rather be alone. Everybody’s like that. That being said, I do think it’s important to be true to yourself and notice when you’re not, and question why. But I don’t hold back my personality for the sake of privacy. Instead, I think there are some things that are appropriately and naturally private.
Nothing, on the other hand, is naturally secret. I think people confuse privacy and secrecy a lot. Privacy is something that feels clean and happy when you keep it inside or between two people. It’s something no one can take away from you. It’s your thinking and your integrity and how you make your decisions every day. Or it could be the smile you shared in the morning with your lover, or how you feel about him or her in your heart. Everything that happens within our hearts and souls is private.
Secrecy is what you think you’d prefer to be hidden, because it’s not hidden naturally. Generally, it involves something you did or something involving the material world: The naked body, the things you did at a party last Saturday night, the way you made fun of someone. Those are all secrets. I think most things people are trying to keep secret are the things that they actually desperately want to tell others.
There’s a good exercise for this that I borrow from spiritual teacher Byron Katie: Think of your partner or your mom or your best friend. Say to yourself, “The thing I never want you to find out is...” Then turn it around and say, “The thing I most want to tell you is...” You may find that you’re actually dying to show the other person the very thing you think needs to be hidden. It’s the “keeping it in” that feels terrible; the keeping it in is the real problem.
Porn has taught me that bodies are a part of this cult of secrecy. I don’t think that bodies are private. They’re bodies, they’re made out of material. We can try to keep them a secret, but everybody has one. What’s the deal with being so afraid to show it? The pain comes when we think we have to hide them.
One of my heroes, Amber Hollibaugh, once said, “Wherever you have a secret, that is where you are vulnerable.” When I heard her say that I really took it to heart. I started talking about all the things I thought I had to hide. When I released them, they couldn’t hurt me anymore. There was nothing to find out or reveal because I’d said it all. That doesn’t mean I was proud of [everything], but I did feel proud I'd confessed all of it so I could examine it.
I have private, intimate moments with someone I love, or with a close friend, or in my thoughts. If someone asks me about those times, I may want to keep it to myself because I love the way it feels to have that to myself or to share it with only one other person. But if it comes out, it comes out, no big deal.
QC: So what did you work on this summer?
I’ve had a lot of great shoots this summer. My first (and definitely not last) shoot with Chi Chi LaRue for a Live and Raw-style DVD. I loved working with someone who was so utterly confident and in control. I also shot for Badpuppy, had a live show with Raging Stallion, and flew to England. The trip to England was a dream come true— I got to work for Men At Play, which was always one of my favorite sites. I also got to shoot with Dillon Buck for Butch Dixon. Dillon was on my “to do” list. He’s so beautiful and friendly... And, okay, the gigantic dick might have something to do with it. I could shoot a hundred scenes with him and never get tired of it. We have a great connection.
QC: When you do have a connection like that, do you find yourself slipping away from the role of “performer” in a scene to a state where this is really you? Do you strive for that real connection where the crew “disappears” in your mind?
It’s a great question because it brings to the surface what a lot of people— including some porn actors— don’t always quite get about scenes. It’s not only sex, it’s performing. You have to be aware of the crew and the audience. If you forget them entirely and just have sex, you miss the point entirely.
Making porn isn’t only about your sexual experience, it’s about sharing the experience with others. I hate when people describe sex in porn as “just work” or ”mechanical.” If someone says that, they’re either a bad performer or at least not delicate with words. You have to have a great time and get your body to do really difficult stuff all at once. If anything, “athletic” is a better word than “mechanical.” The trick is to make the crew, the cameras, and the audience your sexual partners, too. You’ve got to include them in what you’re doing. Once that happens, no one is left out, everything is included, everything is sexualized.