Dear Dick: I Honestly (Don't) Love You

Dear Dick,

I am known by all of my friends as the biggest bitch in the world. Not because I'm mean, but because everything I say is brutally honest. I believe that honesty, no matter how mean, is always the best.

A couple of weeks ago I met "Dan" online. We eventually met at a cafe and I realized he was not my type. I'm very fashion oriented and concerned about appearance. Dan had the most awful teeth I had ever seen, and wore black cowboy boots with jeans and a T-shirt. I was really unimpressed.

Then he told me some information about his family that made me feel horrible for him. His whole family is straight, but his brothers and sisters spy on him for their parents. It freaked me out.

After our date, Dan said he really liked me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out again, and I told him I didn't know my schedule. Later, he asked if I wanted to come over to his house and hang out with him and his friends. I said I was exhausted and didn't want to go anywhere. Now he texts me very day, asking how I am and if I want to hang out again. I always tell him no, and come up with some sort of a lie.

How do I get rid of this guy and his baggage without being an absolute bitch?

Dear Want,

Dear Dick is always a fan of open and honest communication because it always simplifies things. Lying inevitably causes bigger problems. So the answer seems simple: Just be honest with the guy.

But here's a question for you. Do your friends think you're the biggest bitch in the world because you're brutally honest or bitchily honest? There's a difference, and from your letter, Dear Dick is thinking you might sound bitchy when you're talking to people.

From personality to janky breath, there are many reasons why one guy might end up not liking another guy—especially if the two were attracted to one another across the internet, where one's own imagination can easily accentuate another man's profile. So there's nothing wrong with meeting, discovering it's not working for you, and deciding to move on. But there's no need to list WHY you don't want to date the guy. Talking about the gaps in his teeth or the way he dresses serves no purpose. It's not your job to "save" this guy by picking out the traits that you see as flaws, because what you don't like in this guy another man might find supremely attractive. (Seriously, cowboy boots and a nice pair of jeans can be H-O-T!)

Obviously you don't want to hurt the guy or you wouldn't have written, and for that you should be commended. To consider his family situation is also a very honorable thing for you to do. So just be honest and firm but polite. Tell him that he's a nice guy but that you're not attracted to him. He may suggest just hanging out as friends. To this you can say, since he's admitted liking you, that you don't think it's a good idea because you don't want him getting his hopes up.

Being honest and firm will be good for him, and being considerate and polite will be good for you.

Dear Dick is neither a medical doctor nor a licensed psychiatrist. He is not a counselor, a reverend, or a rabbi. He has not been evaluated by the FDA, the CDC, or the BBC, and his words are not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. He has, however, been around the block more than a few times and is happy to answer your questions. Leave a comment or send him an e-mail.

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