Dear Dick: Dancing On My Own

Dear Dick,

I am a 22-year-old Vietnamese guy and I am looking for a decent American white boy.

Where can I go and find one? I have not been to many bars or clubs, but when I do I don’t know how to approach a guy and talk to him. I am afraid he will turn me down and think that he is too good for me or something.

Can you help me out with this simple question?

Dear Scared,

You have the classic fear of rejection that everyone faces, whether they’re Vietnamese, white, African American or Vulcan (assuming Vulcans exist—and Dear Dick hopes they do because that would be logical.) But your letter does hold a couple points worth addressing.

1. You’re looking for a “decent” guy. This can be taken as you wanting a guy who is good and decent and who treats you right. That’s a good attitude. But if you’re saying “decent” as in you’re willing to settle for a mediocre guy, then that’s bad. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve a magnificent man, he’s out there, and you need to set that kind of expectation if you want to meet him.

2. Going online is a good way to find white guys who are into Asian guys. On Gay.com you can search for white guys under Advanced Search or go into the chat area and under “Topics” click the Asian tab.

3. You don’t have to only hit bars catering to Asian Americans, though Dear Dick knows some gays of color who are only comfortable visiting bars with other men of their own race. The upside is that if you see a white man there, chances are good that he’s into Asian guys. The downside is that you’re competing with other Asians for his attention and potentially missing out on meeting hot men who don’t frequent these establishments.

4. Yes, approaching guys is difficult but if you spend your life waiting for someone to speak with you then you’ll never get anywhere. Yes, you may get rejected. Everyone does. So deal with it and build up some callouses because this won't be the first or last time in your life that it happens. And if he's jerk about it, then that's on him and not you. Move on to someone better.

5. Make a vow to speak with one hot guy each time you go out and—pay attention here— it doesn’t have to be for a hook up. You need to build up stamina toward rejection, and a great way to do that is to become comfortable with just talking to strangers. So if you see a hot guy, compliment his jeans, his shirt, his shoes—anything. Make it simple and non-threatening. You will slowly feel more comfortable, so that down the line you can compliment a guy’s smile, his arms, or just say hi and start a flirty conversation.

6.  When you spot a cutie, take a second and tell yourself that you’re the hottest man in the bar. Now take a second to believe it. Know it. Walk over to him with confidence, be friendly and say hi. To be clear, Dear Dick is not the hottest man on earth, but he has gotten laid and dated many men because of this attitude. If you can master it in yourself, you’ll be surprised at your success.

But do know this: if you feel crappy about yourself and constantly think you're not attractive, that negative energy will repel everyone around you.

He ain’t heavy, and he’s no doctor, but he’s got great advice to dish out. If you need some help, e-mail him.

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Photos: Unzipped.net. You know what that means people? It means the letter writer is NOT the guy in this picture.