Dear Dick: New & Unused

Dear Dick,

I am nineteen years old and have just recently started wondering about being with guys. I have never really thought about being involved with a guy in a sexual manner but now I keep having these feelings that I think I want to act on.

I'm very nervous about getting out on the scene. I also want to keep it discreet and don't really want people to know. I need some advice about getting out there and fulfilling my sexual feelings as well as tips on sex.

Newby

Dear New,

Slow your roll, brother, because you have a bunch of stuff to consider before you start looking at sex tips and sampling the linguini of love.

We live in a time where sexuality is a bit more ambiguous than it once was. Guys have long wondered about gay sex, had curiosities, and may have even dibbled a bit, but now it's much easier to quietly try a queer sex experience. It's also easier to use dating sites so that the encounter is discreet. But just because a guy tries gay sex doesn't mean he's gay.

Some readers will argue that point, but this is Dear Dick's column so we're going to move forward.

First ask yourself if those feelings are emotional or just horniness. If they're emotional then consider the bigger picture: Gay life is more than just random humping (though that can be a nice bonus gift). You want to learn the language, get to know the different subcultures, and see where you fit within that complex world. Being gay isn't just a weekend event, you need to consider how it may or may not impact your every day life moving forward.

You can do all that without hooking up. In fact, you should probably try to make supportive gay friends while you're exploring your sexuality so that you can talk about what's happening with people who understand. Think of it as gay grad school where you're cramming a lot of activity in at once. (Double entendre, totally intentional.)

Meeting guys for both purposes is easy. You can hang out in the gay part of town, check out the gay magazines at local bookstores to see what organizations or groups exist in your city, and just explore the area. You're already on Gay.com, so go into a chat room for your city. Chances are good you'll meet men who are into talking and screwing.

If you really need sex tips, I always like How to Get Laid: The Gay Man's Essential Guide to Hot Sex by Jonathan Bass as a good primer, and you can get it cheap on Amazon now.

Finally, if you've read this and figure you're pretty much straight but horny and looking for an easy lay, just go into a chat room and tell the guys there you're straight, curious, and needing someone to help a buddy out. You won't have any problem getting lucky.

Dear Dick isn't a doctor or health worker of any kind, but he did know he was gay and had no problem coming out, making friends, hooking up, and telling people about his experiences.

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