Loving the Man in the Mirror

Many gay men are obsessed with looking perfect, doing everything they can to emulate the models they see on websites and in magazines. While on one hand this can be a good thing—hitting the gym and eating right promotes a healthy lifestyle—it can sometimes become destructive.

“Recent studies have shown that heterosexual men are the most satisfied with their bodies, followed by lesbian women, followed by heterosexual women, and the ones who are the toughest on their appearance are gay men,” says Rigoberto Ng, a nutritionist at Care Resource in Fort Lauderdale, which caters strictly to the LGBTQ community. This negative view can lead men to compulsively exercise, lose weight, use steroids, or worse. Adds Ng, “According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 14% [of gay men] suffer from bulimia and over 20% appeared to be anorexic.”

So while getting fit is great, it’s important to spot obsessive tendencies and find ways to transform your self image before beginning (or continuing on) any fitness regimen.

BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER
Often used to describe any person who sees his physical appearance in a hypercritical light, the real disorder is much more serious. It doesn’t always focus on weight; rather, people can obsess about their nose, skin, hair—any physical feature—as not being perfect. “This is a very severe condition where you usually have underlying low self esteem, shame, and fear of rejection,” says Ng. “It can lead to depression and affect school, relationships, even your social interaction with others.”

The solution? See a psychotherapist who specializes in body image issues. This is not something you can’t work out on your own.

MUSCLE DYSMORPHIA
Also known by the colloquial terms “bigorexia” or “bulkorexia,” it describes men who are obsessed with weight gain and muscle development. Ng explains, “Gay men are often depicted as skinny, flamboyant and feminine. Studies have shown that this is a coping mechanism to prove to the world that you can be as manly as G.I. Joe.”

BODY IMAGE DISTORTION
While not a classified diagnosis, this is probably the most common issue rational gay men face because, in such a sexualized culture, they compare themselves to the images they see in porn, magazines—or even on sites like Gay.com.

For both Muscle Dysmorphia and Body Image Distortion, Ng offers these tips to his patients for changing their perspective on how they see themselves.

•Create a list of your positive values.
Focus on whatever your strengths are, whether it’s physical qualities, a belief system, or anything you know as being a positive attribute. Those core values will keep you grounded.

•Redefine you notion of healthy weight and healthy body composition.
Ng often sees young men, say with 7% body fat, who consider themselves overweight when in reality the norm for their age is anywhere from 8-20%. See if your doctor or gym can suggest a nutritionist to give you a body composition test. You may be just fine, or get healthy direction on how to improve.

•Recognize that models are a fantasy.
“That person on the cover of a magazine is not the average person,” Ng says. “When you look at the demographics of all gay men, most don’t look like that. So you really have to start redefining yourself as part of the norm.”

Having a perfect body won't do you any good if you don't accept yourself for who you really are—both inside and out. Once you establish a realistic perception and stop defining yourself by how porn stars and models look, then you can start living a healthy life that extends beyond hitting the gym seven days a week.

Read more articles on behavioral transformation:
Secrets to Successful Workouts
Foundations for Positive Change
Loving the Man in the Mirror
Building a Better Beast Through Behavioral Transformation