Why Straight Women Love Gay Men

By: Christopher Donaldson

Never mind diamonds, even the kind made from “the cremated ashes of your loved one.”

It turns out that gay men are a straight girl’s best friend. And for a handful of obvious reasons reports Psychology Today’s Seth Meyers--who is sadly not the SNL comedian of the same name--in his recent online article, Why Straight Women Are Attracted to Gay Men.

Here’s why Meyers thinks your relationship with straight women is a major talking-point that requires examination:

1. Gay men, like straight men, think about sex all day long.

“Though there are, of course, differences between straight and gay men, gay men are nevertheless men who share many of the same characteristics and motivations with straight men” writes Meyers. “When it comes to the sexuality of young straight and gay men - meaning, how frequently they think about sex, want it, or feel impatient to get to the actual sex part - there are undoubtedly similarities. When a straight woman hangs out with a gay man, she begins to put the puzzle together that men, in general, treat sex differently than women do.”

2. Most straight women don’t usually feel compelled to do sexy sex stuff with gay men, and visa versa. Or, rather, they prefer relationships that my mother once described as “ you know, nincompoop, the way that Mormon girl who lives down the street likes what’s his name: Her friend, but without the benefits.”

". . . because most straight women don’t feel sexual toward gay men, the relationship doesn’t carry the threat of sexual tension. The relationship allows for a safe space in which both parties can let their guards down, be themselves, and share their feelings openly.”

(a side note: who among us does not love to share their feelings openly says my last boyfriend who broke up with me in a two-sentence-long text message that ended with a sad-face emoticon?)

3. Gay men, unlike straight men, are fierce bitches who refuse to take shit from anyone.

“. . . straight women love gay men because they are emotionally attracted to the fearlessness and lack of self-consciousness in gay men. In general, gay men – and gay women, too – tend to be more fearless than their straight counterparts – particularly straight men – because they’ve usually experienced bullying and prejudice because of their sexual orientation, and these experiences fortify gay men with thicker skin.”

Although, despite what almost every gay character in TV and film from the 1990s would love to make you believe, please stay away from the “fag hag“ (his words, not mine) warns Meyers just in case her love for you only runs as deep as your daily moisturizer.

“This type of relationship is often unhealthy, with women choosing gay men as friends for superficial reasons: because they're more fun and love to shop. Similarly, their gay male friends often treat their female friends as social accessories until the men find a guy to hook up with up later in the night. In such contrived and caricature-based relationships, the relationships often have a surface quality where real emotional sharing and trust don’t take place.”

If you want to learn more about why gay men make good friends, at least when it comes to straight women, visit Psychology Today. However, if you want to watch former “The Facts of Life” star Mindy Cohn describe herself as "the oldest living fag hag," watch the Violet Tendencies (2010) trailer below.


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