Obama Attacks Republican Convention With Giant Gay Wiener

By: Daniel Villarreal

It turns out that "Hurricane" Isaac isn't really a hurricane at all but instead a giant rainbow-colored dong summoned by President Obama to terrorize the Republican National Convention! It's true! Our proof? Yesterday, right-wing blowhard Rush Limbaugh—a man who actually used to be funny and make worthwhile observations back in the early 90s—suggested that Obama made the National Hurricane Center forecast the hurricane in Tampa and New Orleans just to overshadow this week's GOP convention:

Rush Limbaugh, while repeatedly insisting he is “not alleging a conspiracy,” suggested Monday that the National Hurricane Center’s forecast models for Tropical Storm Isaac were altered to help President Barack Obama and “cast a pall” over the Republican National Convention...

The conservative talker suggested early forecasts, which showed the storm hitting Tampa, the convention’s host city, were intended to cause Republicans to cancel the first day of their convention. Newer models showing the storm striking New Orleans, he said, are intended to link the convention to memories of Hurricane Katrina, which made landfall seven years ago this week.

That's right, ladies and gents—Obama controls the weather, probably using an elemental warlock (Biden?) or a weather machine built by his secret socialist army of Muslims. You don't think he's doing it? Show Limbaugh proof that he's not doing it! And second, renowned gay blogger Andrew Sullivan confirmed that, in his professional opinion, the above hurricane weather map resembles "a throbbing purple penis surrounded by a rainbow"—and Sullivan has won awards and written books and stuff, so you know he's reliable. Though to be fair, Comedy Central also says that the image on the map could be a giant throbbing uterus or a bad metaphor about how Republicans are going to "take the country by storm" this election season—inspiring. Like Sullivan, we just like the idea that the hurricane footage could be shown alongside footage of Romney and pals bloviating from a convention against gays, women, the poor and people of color—only Obama and his secret pact with Satan could have conjured such a perfect storm.

Tags: NEWS