Disney Proves Gay Parents Can Raise Perfect Kids

By: Daniel Villarreal

Image via Unicorn Booty

When Simba's father died, the young cub fell into the care of Timon, type-A meerkat and Pumbaa, a warthog with irritable bowel syndrome.

That's right—a same-sex couple. And what did they do?

They comforted Simba, gave him a manicure, taught him Swahili (hakuna matata, remember?) and kept him fed on a nutritious diet of bugs and grub worms.

Yeah, Simba was a shiftless layabout during his adolescent years and definitely had some daddy issues to work out, but he overcame them.

And that young prince raised by a same-sex couple went on to become king of the pride lands.

Fact is, Timon and Pumbaa made great parents, especially compared to DIsney's animated straight couples:

Bambi's dad was an estranged gigolo; Wendy's parents let their kids jump out the window with a flying androgyn (Peter Pan); the dog couple from 101 Dalmations let their entire litter get dog-napped by PETA's worst nightmare—one dog-napped pup we could understand, but 101? Unacceptable.

And all those wicked stepmothers! They sure give straight marriages a bad name.

Meanwhile, Sleeping Beauty was raised by an elderly threesome of magic lesbians and she grew up into a beautiful woman with waltzing and sewing skills and excellent taste in dragon-slaying princes.

So next time you hear an anti-gay organization say "every child deserves a mother and a father," tell 'em to go suck on Walt Disney's big, round mouse ears.