NOM Is Too Scared To Boycott All These Homo-Loving Companies

By: Daniel Villarreal

The National Organization of Marriage (NOM) is a predominantly Catholic-funded anti-gay group that spends it time race-baiting, flouting state campaign finance laws, pushing harmful ex-gay therapy, and calling gays a bunch of poo-eating, animal-raping baby murderers all in the hope of ensuring that you will never have the right to raise kids, marry the person you love or visit your spouse in the hospital.

What lovely people they are!

Most recently, NOM has spearheaded two unsuccessful boycott campaigns against Starbucks and General Mills because both companies support same-sex marriage.

But then yesterday, Oreo cookies showed its support for Pride on Facebook by posting a rainbow-filled cookie along with the message “Proudly support love!” So is NOM gonna start boycotting Kraft Foods and its Nabisco division which make Oreos?

In short, no... or if they ever do, it'll be an incredibly stupid move.

You see, even though General Mills is one of the largest food and beverage manufacturers in the U.S., so is Kraft. And to boycott both of them them, they'd have to ask "supporters of traditional marriage" to give up at least all of the following everyday brands:

Cheerios, Betty Crocker, Bisquick, Pillsbury, Fruit Roll-Ups, Häagen-Dazs, Green Giant, Hamburger Helper, Old El Paso, Progresso, Yoplait, Oscar Mayer, Philadelphia Cheese, A1 Steak Sauce, California Pizza Kitchen, Cracker Barrel, Jell-O, Kool-Aid, Cool Whip, Nilla, Premium Saltine Crackers, Tang, Tombstone Pizza.

Can you just imagine NOM waging war against Betty Crocker, the Pilsbury doughboy, the Kool-Aid Man, the Oscar Weinermobile and America's favorite gelatin dessert? Housewives and schoolchildren around the world would hate NOM, no matter how they feel about homos marrying each other!

Furthermore, NOM would eventually also have to boycott all the American companies and organizations that support same-sex marriage including Apple and Microsoft (no more computers for NOM!) and the Ford Motor Company and Boeing (good luck getting a car or plane ride, haters).

Plus, they'd have to boycott the over 858,854 doctors, lawyers and mental health professionals who are a part of pro-gay associations like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Bar Association, the American Medical Association and the American Psychological and Psychiatric Associations as well as the 16,070,453 auto workers, service industry people and educators unionized under the pro-marriage AFL-CIO, the Service Employees International Union and the National Education Organization.

In short, the National Organization of Marriage would have to ask its supporters to basically drop out of American life and go live in a cave where they can eat insects, drink rainwater, strap cornhusks to their feet and use rocks and fire to communicate to each other...

...which seems a fitting lifestyle for the troglodytes who want to deny their LGBT friends, family members, neighbors and co-workers couples the right to raise children, share healthcare and visit each other in the hospital.