Happy Hour Friday: Martini Navratilova

By: Gay.com
4.9.2010

In honor of Glee’s return next week, we wondered what cocktail Sue Sylvester would order at a bar. We knew it would need to be stiff, strong, and an unbeatable winner, so the answer seemed obvious:

A Martini Navratilova.

THE CHILDREN

  • 2.5 oz premium Czech vodka (preferably Babibka if you can find it in the US) 
  • 0.25 oz dry—yes, very, very dry— vermouth (preferably Noilly Prat)
  • 8 ice cubes (No more, no less. Too many cubes will prevent the liquids from moving at the proper velocity inside the shaker, while too few will allow friction to raise the liquid’s temperature to an unpalatable level. Any experienced martini drinker knows that.)

THE GLITTER

  • Lime peel for garnish if you need some kind of girly gay accoutrement on your glass.
  • Or, as Sue likes it, 3 olives that have been hand-washed in Mattoni mineral water from the Czech Republic. It must be Mattoni. This is the ultimate martini we’re talking about here, so there’s no excuse for being cheap or lazy in your water choice. 

Martini03

WERQ!

1. Chill your glass in the freezer for a minimum of 24 hours. We keep an entire case in the office freezer at all times because every winner knows you need to be prepared for any situation.

2. Place the vermouth in the glass and swirl it around, letting the liquid elegantly dance against the inside surface. After two swirls, treat the remaining vermouth like your usual Friday night date and toss it away.

3. Place the 8 ice cubes into a martini shaker, being careful not to let your over-heated and presumably unclean, sex-obsessed hands manhandle them too much. God knows what damage that could do to the cocktail. Then gently pour the Czech vodka into the shaker and shake for exactly 30 seconds. Don’t whine about how it’s hurting you arm. You should be working out every day anyway. Summer’s coming for God’s sake and the last thing you want are the flabby arms of an elementary school teacher.

4. Pour the contents into your well-chilled glass. Garnish, if necessary. Let the drink rest for a moment. A thing of beauty should be appreciated. Then slowly, delicately, sip the beverage. Allow air to enter your mouth to taste the clean, untainted, crisp beauty of a winner. Savor the beverage, alone, in the quiet of your home, and appreciate what it feels like to be in the presence of perfection.

READER COMMENTS ()