Top 5 Works of Art You’d Better See Before the GOP Destroys Them

By: Rick Andreoli

A recent exhibition at the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C., entitled Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture, explores gay identity, often masked, in American artwork. It includes works by Thomas Eakins, George Bellows, Grant Wood, among other more contemporary artists like Annie Liebovitz and Robert Mapplethorpe (pictured here). A particular video, depicting artist David Wojnarowicz’s expression of watching his partner die of AIDS, has angered the GOP. Demanding that the video be removed was only the first step.

House Speaker-designate John Boehner of Ohio and incoming House majority leader Eric Cantor of Virginia have called for the dismantling of this whole Smithsonian exhibit focused on same-sex attraction. Cantor said he wants the exhibit “pulled” and that it’s “an outrageous use of taxpayer money.” The exhibit was privately funded.

So, seeing as how the GOP is back to censoring and promoting the destruction of artwork, we would like to suggest a few pieces of art to see while they're still around:'s "See 'em Before They're Gone" Tour

Michelaneglo-creation1302x649 5. Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam
The Sistine Chapel, Rome

Also known as “Two Buff Guys Touching Fingers,” one looks at this piece and ponders: Why does God have to be so sexy? This artwork is obviously promoting inter-generational same-sex love.


14941-st-sebastian-pietro-perugino 4. St. Sebastian by Pietro Perugino
Louvre, Paris

Depicting saints, nearly nude, pierced by arrows (obvious phallic symbols) is clearly part of the greater homosexual agenda to sexualize martyrdom and, by extension, the Christian religion. Plus, it makes GOP feel funny down there.










Hercules-antaeus 3. Heracles and Antaeus, Sanssouci
Potsdam, Germany

OK, what the HELL is going on here? This is in a park? Outdoors? Gays have a thing for public sex, you know...









2. A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat

Art Institute of Chicago

Speaking of parks and sex, homosexuals love them both. (Note sleeveless homosexual in foreground). Children and monkeys nearby could be exposed to sleeveless lifestyle.


And the #1 offender:

Michelangelo-1 DSCN2981 1. Michelangelo’s David
Galleria dell'Accademia, Florence

Hmm. Second work by Michelangelo. He might be a flit. There isn’t anything okay to look at here. Handsome nude youth with cocked hip and great big hands. Very rounded, hard buttocks. Must destroy. Plus, there is a suggestion of anti-Goliath sentiment here. What about the Goliaths? Who is watching out for the Goliaths?

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Tags: GAY & AWAY