Dating 101 Gay.com

Six Ways to Kill a Great Date

By: Michael Moniz
10.28.2012

Dating is not easy. First you get really excited about an upcoming outing, the guy seems perfect, but then by the end of the evening you're screaming to get free from the nightmare.

Dates can be killed in many different ways and here are six of them. Normally we like these articles to be presented in a positive light, but in this case we think it's good to list the pitfalls. Just to be kind, we're positioning them as though it's the other guy at fault—you know, so that we don't touch a nerve—but when reading these you may want to consider if you've done any of them in the past as well.

1. Bragging
It's nice to know someone is accomplished or proud of his achievements. It's when the conversation only revolves around something he can “show and tell” that it becomes a problem. 

For example, you mention you bought a new car and he responds by saying, “I just got my second BMW. I like it but I'm thinking about trading it in for the new one.”

What did this have to do with your new car? He made the conversation about him and an opportunity to “brag” about his life. Sure, this may be a way to impress you (which we will talk about later) but it can also be a major turn off. No one likes a show off.

2. Talking Too Much About the Ex

It is time to enjoy the present moment and the opportunity you have right in front of you. Instead, your date ends up spending the time telling you all about his ex. What he hated about him, what he loved, and how the guy is like you and not like you. Your date has just became the “I am not over my ex yet” show.

We all have a past but do we need to be talking about it on the first date? No. The first date is about getting to know the person you are with. Your focus should be on him and not the guy you are no longer with.

3. Being Judgmental
Have you ever been on a date and felt like you couldn’t say anything right? You mention how you love a certain TV show and the other guy says how much he hates it. You mention how you enjoy the city in the spring and he says fall is really the best time, and this is why…

Sometimes we don’t realize we are being judgmental but everyone has his own perspective on what they like or don’t like. On a date, we want to make sure we are being honest but at the same time we shouldn't be sharing our opinions when we do not need to. This also goes for commenting on other people nearby, because that kind of judgement is usually a clear reflection of the speaker himself.

4. Acting Overly Sexual
Flirting is great and fun. Being over-the-top comes off trashy and sometimes disrespectful. This is not a hook up or a one night stand or a competition to see who can be the raunchiest. This is a date to see if there is chemistry and an opportunity for love.

I was on a date where the guy took any chance he could to mention how big his rod was. The steak was not as big as his meat. His big feet were a sign of his length. Guys call him all the time about his tool. Finally I just told him to whip it out and prove it so we could move on. Of course, he turned red and that was the end of the conversation... and the end of my interest in him.

5. Too Future Focused
We all want the date to go well. Who doesn’t go into a date hoping for a future? BUT we have to get through the first date first.

Some guys spend the first date planning your future together. Where you will live, if you want kids, the type of pets you will have, etc. This can scare anyone off.

You also have to be careful looking too eager. Sometimes you think you are being polite by inviting the guy to a family birthday dinner later that week, but it could be moving too fast at this present time. Go with the flow and pay attention to how he's reacting to the talk about future plans.

6. Trying to Impress
Lastly, I feel one of the biggest mistakes you can make is trying to impress the person instead of just being yourself. You want him to like you for who you are, so show him who you are. Be true to yourself and then if he wants a second date it is all based on you and not the big things you said or did.

Sure, you want your date to be impressed by you, but by the real you and not an act you put on. Yoda said it best, “Do or do not. There is no try!”

Those are 6 of the many date killers out there. Share the ones you have experience in the comments section below.

Based in Orlando, Fla., Michael Moniz is a life coach who focuses his attention on the needs and goals of the LGBT community. Holding undergraduate and graduate degrees in communication from Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla., he is ICF-certified as a professional life coach. As part of his practice, he helps others with self-image, communication skills, self-leadership and setting and achieving personal and professional goals.

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