5 Things We'll Miss Hating About 'The A-List'
Earlier this week, reality show man candy Reichen Lehmkuhl revealed via a tweet that LOGO has dropped The A-List: New York like a cold hot dog down a Times Square gutter.
According to Lehmkuhl, "Logo said, '[they] are changing directions. A-List isn't a match for that direction." Translation: Your show isn't as wholesomeness as Eden's World and our new mob wives series.
And even though we all used to bitch about The A-List's petty melodramatics and despicable characters, damn if its cancellation didn't make us shed smallest unicorn tear.
After all, part of what we loved about The A-List was that it was just so much fun to hate. Everyone watched it but no one seemed to actually like it. So, in memoriam, let's recount the five aspects of the show that we'll miss hating most of all.
1) NO ONE IN THE CAST WAS ACTUALLY AN A-LISTER: Keep in mind that before the show even aired, the only cast member most gays had ever heard of was Reichen and only because he once dated Lance Bass and appeared on The Amazing Race—hardly the stuff of A-gay power.
Plus, the only cast members who seemed to have jobs (let alone any status to speak of) were salon owner Ryan Desmond, his not-actually-a-cast-member receptionist T.J. and silver daddy photographer Mike Ruiz (who only appeared for about two minutes every other episode).
Sure, self-proclaimed casting agent Derek Saathoff opened a tanning business called "Tansexual" in season two, but otherwise all the other guys spent their time flopping their mancakes around Manhattan and drowning their disdain for each other in Absolut vodka.
Maybe we're just a tinge jealous because we have to break our necks just to afford a happy hour special. But one encouraging thing about their so called "A-List" lifestyles: they seemed pretty achievable for any wretch with enough makeup, booze and a camera crew.
2) RODINEY SANTIAGO'S SUBTITLES: For the entire first season, it seemed as if Reichen's Brazilian beau Rodiney didn't realize he was
the only physically attractive cast member on a reality TV show.
Instead of joining in the non-stop shade and debauchery, Rodiney perpetually wore the expression of an emotionally wounded Labrador Retriever, as if Reichen's floozing and everyone's cattiness actually meant something—oh, pity the beautiful fool!
But even more tragicomic was the fact that the show's producers insisted on subtitling Rodiney despite the fact that you could pretty much make out his meaning just by listening.
And even better, the subtitles never bothered correcting Rodiney's broken English, they just ran his glorious mistakes in print.
Ah! The foreign charm of such phrases as, "The greatest love will knock your door freely" and "What she thing she is, Beyond-say?"
3) THE TRANSPARENT FAKENESS: We're not talking about the show's endorsements of spray tanning and Botox, nor are we talking about the show's paper thin "acting" or "plot"—though we should note that the entire first season revolved around whether Reichen would schtupp Austin (he didn't) and season two revolved around whether anybody would befriend Austin (nobody did).
No, we're referring to the show's completely manufactured social events created only to make fighting with co-workers seem glamorous.
Who can forget the schadenfreude of when Reichen debuted his tone-deaf DADT single, when Derek performed Jerry Springer-esque boylesque to promote his tanning business and when Nyasha dropped her single (not even a full album, but a single) in a mostly empty hotel bar.
Entertainment, thy name is fail.
4) THE DALLAS SPIN-OFF: Imagine our surprise when The A-List's southern spin-off not only surpassed New York's entertainment value, but served up side dishes of Texas culture and character.
Yes, the entire show centered around everyone trying to bed cowboy casanova Levi. And yes, everyone was a wretched stereotype: Taylor, the evil Republican; James, the sloppy drunk; Philip, the sassy gossip; Chase, the Flock of Seagulls hairdo.
But amid the clown car of undersexed twenty-somethings stood Ashley, the only character who had any damned sense. Plus, she was actually attractive and fun, if not too much of a do-gooder at times.
Plus, the Dallas series involved real issues of cheating, alcoholism, community service, religion, estranged family and not to mention a fair amount of horseplay on and off camera—ride 'em cowboy!
5) OUR RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION: Best of all, we loved hearing friends and blogs complain about the show's vapid, materialistic representation of gay men, while we smirked in agreement with our low-fat vanilla lattes in hand.
We'd complain about what a waste of time and potential the show was, while wasting our time and potential watching it.
And we'd talk about how the show was setting back the gay rights movement when many of us hadn't donated so much as a dime to our local LGBT organization.
And in that way, The A-List got the last laugh: it made us viewers feel superior all while making us hungry for even more bad behavior.
But now that The A-List is over, how the heck are we fill our Monday Nights while waiting for the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race? And who will we compare ourselves to to make us feel better?
Oh well, while we wipe our tears and look for a drink, let's let Reichen sing us away with his dulcet tune, Up In The Sky!